This Is 40?

With all due respect to Judd Apatow, I'm co-opting his movie title for my blog title this go around.

Yeah, okay, today is my 40th birthday.  In all honesty, I don't feel any different than I did yesterday at 39.  Hell, I've been claiming to be 40 since January, since it was just easier to do it.  (Sounds like a little kid again, when you'd claim to be the next year older about a week after the previous birthday.)

But, since I've made it to this point, maybe it's a good time to examine what I've learned (this should be interesting...for me, anyway).....

1.  Guys:  Never piss into a head wind.  Doesn't end well.

2.  Girls:  Same thing.  Just saying.

3.  Just because the buffet says "All You Can Eat", it doesn't mean you have to eat like a felon on death row having his last supper.  But doing so certainly means you got your money's worth.

4.  If you're out drinking with your friends and one of them offers you a squeegee, you say NO. 

5.  Same with a mind eraser.  Long Island Ice Tea.  Hell, ANYTHING I'm mixing.

6.  Never shit where you eat.  Animals have figured it out, why can't humans?

7.  Don't believe anything politicians tell you.  Remember, the only thing about them that differs them from con men is the fact that we bought their bullshit once and elected them.  Just saying.

8.  For that matter, don't take ANYTHING you're told at face value.  Be a person of intelligence and fucking READ!  Check the internet, read a book, talk to others....UNDERSTAND the argument before you follow along like the good little lemming you want to be.

9.  Guys:  Just because it looked cool on a porno doesn't mean your wife/girlfriend will want to try it.  You should know better.

10.  Girls:  Just because it looked sexy on the soap opera our sounded cool in the romance novel doesn't mean we can pull it off when we're together.  You're smarter than us.  You SHOULD know better.

11.  Free speech doesn't exempt you from an ass kicking when you piss off the wrong person.

12.  Thousands of good men and women have died throughout our country's history so you can HAVE that right to free speech.  Show the military a little fucking respect.  You don't agree with our nation's military policy?  It's not the fault of the military men and women.  They follow orders because they HAVE to, whether they like or agree with them or not.  Vote out the fuckers that MAKE the policy.

13.  As you get older, birthdays are more like assholes.  Everybody's got one, and yours doesn't stink nearly as bad as others do.  Just saying.

14.  Utilize your spell check.  It can be the difference between telling people you pulled your groin and you're pulling your groin.  Big difference.

15.  Show a little respect to our friends in the GLBT community.  It cannot be easy to live in a country that talks about freedom, yet piles so much shit on a group of people that only wish to have the same rights as everybody else.  (I've got another whole blog coming on this one later, so I'll just leave my comments at this for now.)

16.  Hug your kids tonight.  Believe me, I wish I could.  :-(


That's not all I've learned in 40 years, but it's enough for now.  Besides, if I put it all out there, what the hell am I gonna write about?

See you in the blogisphere!

The Fat Man