It's Memorial Day, and for a whole lot of you, that really just means a 3-day weekend from your job. Or, it means that the public pools have opened, so you can go get all wrinkly. Or, it means you headed off somewhere to get a few days worth of camping in, since this is probably the last decent weekend we'll have for the summer.
While all of those things are technically true, there are far too many people who forget or just plain don't understand what Memorial Day really means.
Folks, this is the day we give thanks to the men and women who paid the ultimate price so we can continue to live in the greatest country on earth.
Forget about politics for a minute, and forget about your opinion of war, because I REALLY get pissed off when people can't get over themselves long enough to just pay homage to those who deserve it. As a matter of fact, I just read comments from people sniping at President Obama for his comments made to celebrate fallen soldiers today. Really? You're gonna get political today? Two words for you: SHUT UP!!!!!
Now, I'm on record as having TONS of respect for those who've decided to dedicate their lives and careers to protecting my fat ass, but I think we also need to make sure we remember those who gave their lives for that same thing.
Want to know how you can do it?
If you've got a fallen soldier in your family, go to the cemetery today and visit the grave. Clean it off, plant a small flag, and tell your kids (or spouse, if they don't know) stories about that individual. Don't have a fallen hero in your family? Go to the cemetery anyway. Find a grave (or two) with flags planted in them, and check the dates. When you go back home, look up the date of death and see what war that soldier was involved in, and see what their sacrifice was really all about.
Now, the amount of time you spend at the cemetery is entirely up to you. For some, I know being there gives them the willies. For others, however, it provides peace and solace. Whatever works for you.
One more thing you MUST do today: Make sure your kids understand what Memorial Day is TRULY all about, and make sure they understand WHY they need to take some time on this day every year.
And, when you run into an active-duty military person or a retired soldier later on in the day, make sure to thank them. If it wasn't for them, God only knows what foreign language we'd be speaking right now.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Building A Deck, OR, How To Make A Fat Guy Sweat In Four Easy Steps....
Sooooo.......I'm REALLY sore right now.
Yeah, I know I had enough energy to write a blog post before this one. So what? My hands can still hurt. So can my back, hips, knees, ankles.
Shit. Just occurred to me I might be getting old.
Why, you ask, is the Fat Guy in more pain than if he'd run a fucking marathon? Because, dear reader, the Fat Guy's a fucking idiot.
Don't tell me. You just got done thinking or saying "No shit, Sherlock."
Yup. I deserved it. Left way too big a hole.
I've mentioned several times over the past few posts that I was going to build a new deck on the back of my house, and this weekend is/was the choice weekend. On Saturday, I had my brother in law and my two best friends over to help out. We were like the fucking Postal Service: working through all kinds of weather, and still managing to get the package soaked. (Just kidding. I don't need my mail any more fucked up than it already is, thank you.) Between the four of us, we managed to get the deck completely framed. Had to stop because we ran out of sunlight (which means it was around 8pm).
Of course, since I (or my wife...mostly my wife) was having to put leashes on our dogs to take them out the front door to do their business, going without some sort of backyard steps from the house just wasn't going to do.
My brother in law and I worked today. The original plan was to work "until it starts to rain", which was supposed to be around 1pm. Guess what happened? You got it. No fucking rain.
About 3pm, sore, sweaty, and sunburned, we stopped. However, we got the decking in place and steps built, which means I can waddle my sore ass to the back door and let the dogs out.
Nice.
Figured out pretty quick that deck building is a younger man's game, and you young pups out there can keep building on.
Us "old dogs" will just take a bit longer and build one that kicks your's ass.
Hell. Yeah.
Yeah, I know I had enough energy to write a blog post before this one. So what? My hands can still hurt. So can my back, hips, knees, ankles.
Shit. Just occurred to me I might be getting old.
Why, you ask, is the Fat Guy in more pain than if he'd run a fucking marathon? Because, dear reader, the Fat Guy's a fucking idiot.
Don't tell me. You just got done thinking or saying "No shit, Sherlock."
Yup. I deserved it. Left way too big a hole.
I've mentioned several times over the past few posts that I was going to build a new deck on the back of my house, and this weekend is/was the choice weekend. On Saturday, I had my brother in law and my two best friends over to help out. We were like the fucking Postal Service: working through all kinds of weather, and still managing to get the package soaked. (Just kidding. I don't need my mail any more fucked up than it already is, thank you.) Between the four of us, we managed to get the deck completely framed. Had to stop because we ran out of sunlight (which means it was around 8pm).
Of course, since I (or my wife...mostly my wife) was having to put leashes on our dogs to take them out the front door to do their business, going without some sort of backyard steps from the house just wasn't going to do.
My brother in law and I worked today. The original plan was to work "until it starts to rain", which was supposed to be around 1pm. Guess what happened? You got it. No fucking rain.
About 3pm, sore, sweaty, and sunburned, we stopped. However, we got the decking in place and steps built, which means I can waddle my sore ass to the back door and let the dogs out.
Nice.
Figured out pretty quick that deck building is a younger man's game, and you young pups out there can keep building on.
Us "old dogs" will just take a bit longer and build one that kicks your's ass.
Hell. Yeah.
Sometimes Life Just Sucks......
So, I read two Facebook posts today from two different friends covering two completely different types of loss. As I sat staring at them, since one of them, which involved the death of a high school classmate the same age as me, I was trying to come up with the right words to say. Needless to say, there aren't any "right" words. Instead, I decided to talk about life, loss, and how things just tend to suck sometimes.
No apologies offered for this one being a downer, but I WILL admit up front to NOT naming specific names out of respect for all involved. My blog, my rules, my prerogative. Besides, if you follow me on Facebook, you probably already know about the two incidents I'm referring to.
Nothing on planet Earth prepares us for losing a loved one, and the bitch of it all is that we know, as children, that one of our jobs, eventually, will be to say goodbye to our parents. For some of us, it comes early in life, and very unexpectedly. For others, it comes after a very long, well-lived life. In my case, with my dad six and a half years ago, it was a bit in the middle: entirely too early, at 54, but not unexpected, as he'd been undergoing cancer treatments for 6 months. No matter how long you have to plan, it's never easy, and I have to admit that after all this time, there still isn't a day that goes by that I don't talk about him or think about him. In fact, my friends and I were talking about him on Saturday as we were building my new deck. Mostly, we were talking about how I was "doing Dad proud" by building a monstrosity of a deck, which was JUST the way he liked to do it.
Of course, there's times I wish he was around to talk to, especially when I need advice on things. Regardless of how much I might bitch, whine, and moan about my relationship with him, I could always depend on him to give me reliable advice, and there are times that I dearly miss it. It was really hard that first year, since I wouldn't take his phone number out of my cell phone, and I couldn't think about him without breaking down completely. I couldn't figure out how the hell I was going to get through.
Here's the thing: I got through. What I figured out was that ALL of those feelings are completely normal. Hell, if you DON'T go through it, there's something wrong with you. Grief is a natural part of the cycle, and you NEED to go through it. I always want to nut punch the guys who come out and say "I have to be strong for the family." Bullshit. That line was thought up by a man (naturally) who wanted an excuse to not share his feelings. It's 2013, which means it's time to get with letting your emotions out. It's healthier than bottling it all up, and, in my opinion, an easier way to get along with your life, since you're facing the things that upset you the most.
I work in a field where we deal with death more than in other fields (short working in a nursing home, hospital, or hospice care), and I've found one of my consumers (that's what we call them) dead in their apartment (about 2 years ago), while my wife's found two (in the past 12 months). These situations are a bit different, as our relationships with those who passed was not so much personal as professional. But, then again, it's not all that much different than having a co-worker pass away. For me, the same rules as above apply: be open, be honest, and let the emotions out.
And, mind you, this is regardless of how the person passed: overdose, suicide, medical misadventure, etc. Regardless of how you might feel about any of those things personally, you still need to grieve in your own way, in your own time. Don't EVER let anyone tell you how you SHOULD be feeling. Screw them. Feel however the hell you WANT or NEED to feel.
Okay, so let me move from one of the deepest levels of loss to one that, while not quite as deep, can still have a lasting impact. Another friend of mine discussed the foreign exchange student that had been staying in her home for the past year returning to her home country, and how sad that made her.
Let me begin with a side note: I've decided I have GOT to get my friend to let me write up her story. In my honest opinion, I believe it would be one helluva piece of inspirational reading, since she went through more before she got into high school than most people go through in a lifetime. Just saying.
Okay, back to the point....
This type of loss is a bit closer to the types of loss that more of us feel more often: the loss of that person (or thing) that has only been a part of your life for a short period of time, but has made enough of an impact on you that you can't remember what your life was like before them.
I use myself (again) as an example. Many of my friends are aware that my wife and I were blessed to have a foster baby placed with us almost one year ago. She was two days old, and from all the information we'd been given, this was going to be a "permanent placement" with the potential, eventually, for adoption. When you've been trying forever to have a child of your own and a beautiful, healthy baby girl is dropped in your lap with that kind of news, you're over the moon. For 10 weeks, we went through what every pair of new parents go through, and that's EVERY high and low. At the ten week mark, however, a judge with no clue as to what was going on decided that it would be better to move this little girl to another county. We, of course, had no choice and no recourse, and while there's a whole helluva lot more to the story, I'm not going to go there for now because it doesn't impact the point I'm making.
Jen and I had to grieve the loss. We did, in our own way. We wouldn't do any of her (the baby's) sheets or blankets laundry for awhile, because we wanted to be able to smell her scent. The only concession we made to her being gone was to remove the baby monitor from our bedroom, since it was a very painful reminder of our loss. Neither of us would go into the baby's room for weeks, because we wanted to avoid the reminder.
Eventually, we realized we needed to find a way past and through, and we did the laundry and began using the room again. I'm not saying that's what my friend needs to do, but I would recommend to anyone else who's looking for advice that you SHOULD go at whatever pace feels right to you. Now, if you wind up wearing tin foil on your head, we need to talk, but otherwise, have at it.
I said upfront that I'd been looking for the right words to say in both of these situations. Truth is, this is the best I can do......
Sometimes, life just sucks.
No apologies offered for this one being a downer, but I WILL admit up front to NOT naming specific names out of respect for all involved. My blog, my rules, my prerogative. Besides, if you follow me on Facebook, you probably already know about the two incidents I'm referring to.
Nothing on planet Earth prepares us for losing a loved one, and the bitch of it all is that we know, as children, that one of our jobs, eventually, will be to say goodbye to our parents. For some of us, it comes early in life, and very unexpectedly. For others, it comes after a very long, well-lived life. In my case, with my dad six and a half years ago, it was a bit in the middle: entirely too early, at 54, but not unexpected, as he'd been undergoing cancer treatments for 6 months. No matter how long you have to plan, it's never easy, and I have to admit that after all this time, there still isn't a day that goes by that I don't talk about him or think about him. In fact, my friends and I were talking about him on Saturday as we were building my new deck. Mostly, we were talking about how I was "doing Dad proud" by building a monstrosity of a deck, which was JUST the way he liked to do it.
Of course, there's times I wish he was around to talk to, especially when I need advice on things. Regardless of how much I might bitch, whine, and moan about my relationship with him, I could always depend on him to give me reliable advice, and there are times that I dearly miss it. It was really hard that first year, since I wouldn't take his phone number out of my cell phone, and I couldn't think about him without breaking down completely. I couldn't figure out how the hell I was going to get through.
Here's the thing: I got through. What I figured out was that ALL of those feelings are completely normal. Hell, if you DON'T go through it, there's something wrong with you. Grief is a natural part of the cycle, and you NEED to go through it. I always want to nut punch the guys who come out and say "I have to be strong for the family." Bullshit. That line was thought up by a man (naturally) who wanted an excuse to not share his feelings. It's 2013, which means it's time to get with letting your emotions out. It's healthier than bottling it all up, and, in my opinion, an easier way to get along with your life, since you're facing the things that upset you the most.
I work in a field where we deal with death more than in other fields (short working in a nursing home, hospital, or hospice care), and I've found one of my consumers (that's what we call them) dead in their apartment (about 2 years ago), while my wife's found two (in the past 12 months). These situations are a bit different, as our relationships with those who passed was not so much personal as professional. But, then again, it's not all that much different than having a co-worker pass away. For me, the same rules as above apply: be open, be honest, and let the emotions out.
And, mind you, this is regardless of how the person passed: overdose, suicide, medical misadventure, etc. Regardless of how you might feel about any of those things personally, you still need to grieve in your own way, in your own time. Don't EVER let anyone tell you how you SHOULD be feeling. Screw them. Feel however the hell you WANT or NEED to feel.
Okay, so let me move from one of the deepest levels of loss to one that, while not quite as deep, can still have a lasting impact. Another friend of mine discussed the foreign exchange student that had been staying in her home for the past year returning to her home country, and how sad that made her.
Let me begin with a side note: I've decided I have GOT to get my friend to let me write up her story. In my honest opinion, I believe it would be one helluva piece of inspirational reading, since she went through more before she got into high school than most people go through in a lifetime. Just saying.
Okay, back to the point....
This type of loss is a bit closer to the types of loss that more of us feel more often: the loss of that person (or thing) that has only been a part of your life for a short period of time, but has made enough of an impact on you that you can't remember what your life was like before them.
I use myself (again) as an example. Many of my friends are aware that my wife and I were blessed to have a foster baby placed with us almost one year ago. She was two days old, and from all the information we'd been given, this was going to be a "permanent placement" with the potential, eventually, for adoption. When you've been trying forever to have a child of your own and a beautiful, healthy baby girl is dropped in your lap with that kind of news, you're over the moon. For 10 weeks, we went through what every pair of new parents go through, and that's EVERY high and low. At the ten week mark, however, a judge with no clue as to what was going on decided that it would be better to move this little girl to another county. We, of course, had no choice and no recourse, and while there's a whole helluva lot more to the story, I'm not going to go there for now because it doesn't impact the point I'm making.
Jen and I had to grieve the loss. We did, in our own way. We wouldn't do any of her (the baby's) sheets or blankets laundry for awhile, because we wanted to be able to smell her scent. The only concession we made to her being gone was to remove the baby monitor from our bedroom, since it was a very painful reminder of our loss. Neither of us would go into the baby's room for weeks, because we wanted to avoid the reminder.
Eventually, we realized we needed to find a way past and through, and we did the laundry and began using the room again. I'm not saying that's what my friend needs to do, but I would recommend to anyone else who's looking for advice that you SHOULD go at whatever pace feels right to you. Now, if you wind up wearing tin foil on your head, we need to talk, but otherwise, have at it.
I said upfront that I'd been looking for the right words to say in both of these situations. Truth is, this is the best I can do......
Sometimes, life just sucks.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
You Taking A Vacation, or What?
No, I'm NOT on vacation. That's in two weeks, and I intend to blog whilst I'm there.
My reasons for not posting since Sunday are thus:
1. I'm still getting used to the jacked up schedule I'm working (for a few more days only, then it's permanent overnights).
2. I've been trying to get things done around the house so my friends and I can FINALLY build that deck I've been promising my wife for well over a year.
3. And, just as important, I'm on a helluva roll writing my book.
I've been following a number of blogs for quite some time. One of my favs is wilwheaton.net, which is, as you no doubt figured out, the blog of one Wil Wheaton. I always wondered how he gets so damn busy that he can't post updates, but with the amount of busy I've had the past few days, I now get it, so, sorry Wil for thinking you're a dick for not posting.
See, the thing is, I've had this story in my head for the better part of twenty years, and I've just started writing it in novel form over the past ten or so. The story has gone through a thousand different changes, but over the past six months, things have been steady. I'll write hard-core for a couple of weeks, take time off, then write again. For the past month or so, however, I've been writing about a thousand words a day, which in writing terms isn't a heavy load, but it's a helluva lot more progress than I've made at ANY point in the history of this story idea.
Now, when I started the blog, I promised occasional works of fiction from myself and some of my writer friends, and I intend to keep that promise. My book, however, will most likely NOT be one of those, as my ultimate goal is to get it published.
That doesn't mean I might not publish a "teaser" for it at some point to gauge your interest.
I've got another busy day ahead, but I'll post again soon.
Live long, and prosper.
OR
Keep Calm and CHIVE On.
My reasons for not posting since Sunday are thus:
1. I'm still getting used to the jacked up schedule I'm working (for a few more days only, then it's permanent overnights).
2. I've been trying to get things done around the house so my friends and I can FINALLY build that deck I've been promising my wife for well over a year.
3. And, just as important, I'm on a helluva roll writing my book.
I've been following a number of blogs for quite some time. One of my favs is wilwheaton.net, which is, as you no doubt figured out, the blog of one Wil Wheaton. I always wondered how he gets so damn busy that he can't post updates, but with the amount of busy I've had the past few days, I now get it, so, sorry Wil for thinking you're a dick for not posting.
See, the thing is, I've had this story in my head for the better part of twenty years, and I've just started writing it in novel form over the past ten or so. The story has gone through a thousand different changes, but over the past six months, things have been steady. I'll write hard-core for a couple of weeks, take time off, then write again. For the past month or so, however, I've been writing about a thousand words a day, which in writing terms isn't a heavy load, but it's a helluva lot more progress than I've made at ANY point in the history of this story idea.
Now, when I started the blog, I promised occasional works of fiction from myself and some of my writer friends, and I intend to keep that promise. My book, however, will most likely NOT be one of those, as my ultimate goal is to get it published.
That doesn't mean I might not publish a "teaser" for it at some point to gauge your interest.
I've got another busy day ahead, but I'll post again soon.
Live long, and prosper.
OR
Keep Calm and CHIVE On.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Put Away Your Tin Foil Hat....
Okay....I've sat here long enough listening to the howls of folks who are, in the words of a very good friend of mine, "sitting around the house in a fucking tin foil hat". Time to set some shit straight.
I don't plan to get political in this blog very often. Simply put, I know you've got your opinions, and regardless of what I say, you're probably still going to feel the way you do at the end of the day. In this case, however, I feel the need to point out some shit I think you're missing.
Let's start by getting one very basic point straight:
Blaming the President for every single fucking thing wrong with this country is like blaming the A-B Clydesdales for the fact that you drink too much beer.
Last time I checked, this country's laws aren't made by the fellow living in the White House. They're made by the 400+ tools...I mean ELECTED OFFICIALS working out of the Capital building. They're the ones who present the legislation, debate on it, accept the bribes to drop certain things or add others, then vote on the whole fucking shooting match.
Sure, the President has the right to veto everything, but understand that he does NOT have a line-item veto. That little benefit was rejected by the Supreme Court during the Clinton administration as being unConstitutional.
So, that means that if the President REALLY wants/needs to pass that emergency spending bill, he's stuck approving all the other bullshit that's been attached to it. And Congress knows it. That's why you get all the pork-nonsense on those really important bills.
And, when the President reaches down, finds a pair, and vetoes it? It's never mentioned that he turned it down because of all the other shit attached to it. Instead, we hear about what an asshole he is for rejecting a very much needed spending bill.
Talk about being damned either way.
Let's move on to foreign policy and understand another fact:
Most of the foreign policy being utilized currently isn't new. It wasn't designed by the Obama administration, and, in most cases, wasn't even designed by the administration of W.
In a lot of cases, our country is following plans of diplomacy that are 20 years old, at least. That goes back to the Clinton administration, and in some cases, back to H.W. Bush and Reagan.
Hell, the policies regarding sending supplies to foreign nations that need it goes back at least as far as the Truman administration, when supplies were airlifted to West Berlin after World War 2 (see The Marshall Plan). You could go back even farther and list all of the times during the FDR administration when we sent bukoo supplies to our Allies to help them while the Nazis were plowing their way across Europe.
Sure, it'd be easy to say we did that because of war, but at its core, it's the same basic policy we use today, 70 years later.
Oh, yeah, and you folks getting pissy with Obama about the IRS thing? I'd like to point out that the head of the IRS responsible for all of this shit isn't an Obama appointee. The Republican's pal W put him on his post, so put the blame for that shit where it belongs.
Besides, whose best interest did the whole IRS targeting Tea Baggers...I mean TEA PARTY MEMBERS serve? It wasn't the Democrats. They were doing just fine with the Tea Party splitting the Republican party like an old log for the fireplace.
That would mean, logically, that the REPUBLICANS would be the one's to benefit if the Tea Party was discredited. Hmmmmm.....didn't hear CNN, CNBC, or Fox News throw that opinion out there. Wonder why?
I've said it before and I'll say it again: If you have a problem with the way our government operates, get out there and VOTE!!!!! Beyond that, get out there and GET KNOWLEDGE. Don't just watch the talking heads on the propaganda stations spew their venom. Read the stuff written by foreign writers. Read stuff written by people on both sides of the issue. Figure out for yourself what's what. DON'T just accept what you're told at face value, and DON'T be afraid to speak with the one weapon you have in the fight: your right to vote the lying fuckers out of office.
It beats the hell out of putting on the tin foil hat, and looks a whole lot smarter in the long run.
Oh....one more thing.
To those who think Obama needs to be impeached:
You are so tremendously full of SHIT that your opinion is worthless.
If Democrats couldn't/wouldn't impeach W, and the Republicans couldn't successfully impeach Clinton (and I think we can all point to things they both did that are FAR worse than anything Obama's done), then Obama should be left the hell alone.
Impeachment was intended for the slime-balls of all slime-balls. Nixon would have been impeached, and frankly would have deserved it. He broke the law by intentionally interfering with a government investigation, among a laundry list of other things. Whether or not Clinton deserved it or not is open to debate. Yeah, he had sex with an intern and lied about it, but does that hold to the same level as Watergate? And W? If you try to sit there and tell me that lying to Congress and the nation about the reasons for the second Gulf War wouldn't have been enough to at least CONSIDER impeachment, you seriously need to read your Constitution. Of course, he wasn't, so it's a moot point.
Get off the impeachment bullshit and focus on the important things: we've got an economy that's still in the shitter and an unemployment issue that needs fixing. Social Security will run out before many of our parents can draw it, and the system's broken. We can't feed many of our own citizens, and our infrastructure's broken as well.
Let's get off the petty, childish, playground bullshit fights, find a way to pull together, and do what we all claim we want to do: set this country on a path to once again being the BEST in the world.
I'm the Fat Man, and I approved this message.
I don't plan to get political in this blog very often. Simply put, I know you've got your opinions, and regardless of what I say, you're probably still going to feel the way you do at the end of the day. In this case, however, I feel the need to point out some shit I think you're missing.
Let's start by getting one very basic point straight:
Blaming the President for every single fucking thing wrong with this country is like blaming the A-B Clydesdales for the fact that you drink too much beer.
Last time I checked, this country's laws aren't made by the fellow living in the White House. They're made by the 400+ tools...I mean ELECTED OFFICIALS working out of the Capital building. They're the ones who present the legislation, debate on it, accept the bribes to drop certain things or add others, then vote on the whole fucking shooting match.
Sure, the President has the right to veto everything, but understand that he does NOT have a line-item veto. That little benefit was rejected by the Supreme Court during the Clinton administration as being unConstitutional.
So, that means that if the President REALLY wants/needs to pass that emergency spending bill, he's stuck approving all the other bullshit that's been attached to it. And Congress knows it. That's why you get all the pork-nonsense on those really important bills.
And, when the President reaches down, finds a pair, and vetoes it? It's never mentioned that he turned it down because of all the other shit attached to it. Instead, we hear about what an asshole he is for rejecting a very much needed spending bill.
Talk about being damned either way.
Let's move on to foreign policy and understand another fact:
Most of the foreign policy being utilized currently isn't new. It wasn't designed by the Obama administration, and, in most cases, wasn't even designed by the administration of W.
In a lot of cases, our country is following plans of diplomacy that are 20 years old, at least. That goes back to the Clinton administration, and in some cases, back to H.W. Bush and Reagan.
Hell, the policies regarding sending supplies to foreign nations that need it goes back at least as far as the Truman administration, when supplies were airlifted to West Berlin after World War 2 (see The Marshall Plan). You could go back even farther and list all of the times during the FDR administration when we sent bukoo supplies to our Allies to help them while the Nazis were plowing their way across Europe.
Sure, it'd be easy to say we did that because of war, but at its core, it's the same basic policy we use today, 70 years later.
Oh, yeah, and you folks getting pissy with Obama about the IRS thing? I'd like to point out that the head of the IRS responsible for all of this shit isn't an Obama appointee. The Republican's pal W put him on his post, so put the blame for that shit where it belongs.
Besides, whose best interest did the whole IRS targeting Tea Baggers...I mean TEA PARTY MEMBERS serve? It wasn't the Democrats. They were doing just fine with the Tea Party splitting the Republican party like an old log for the fireplace.
That would mean, logically, that the REPUBLICANS would be the one's to benefit if the Tea Party was discredited. Hmmmmm.....didn't hear CNN, CNBC, or Fox News throw that opinion out there. Wonder why?
I've said it before and I'll say it again: If you have a problem with the way our government operates, get out there and VOTE!!!!! Beyond that, get out there and GET KNOWLEDGE. Don't just watch the talking heads on the propaganda stations spew their venom. Read the stuff written by foreign writers. Read stuff written by people on both sides of the issue. Figure out for yourself what's what. DON'T just accept what you're told at face value, and DON'T be afraid to speak with the one weapon you have in the fight: your right to vote the lying fuckers out of office.
It beats the hell out of putting on the tin foil hat, and looks a whole lot smarter in the long run.
Oh....one more thing.
To those who think Obama needs to be impeached:
You are so tremendously full of SHIT that your opinion is worthless.
If Democrats couldn't/wouldn't impeach W, and the Republicans couldn't successfully impeach Clinton (and I think we can all point to things they both did that are FAR worse than anything Obama's done), then Obama should be left the hell alone.
Impeachment was intended for the slime-balls of all slime-balls. Nixon would have been impeached, and frankly would have deserved it. He broke the law by intentionally interfering with a government investigation, among a laundry list of other things. Whether or not Clinton deserved it or not is open to debate. Yeah, he had sex with an intern and lied about it, but does that hold to the same level as Watergate? And W? If you try to sit there and tell me that lying to Congress and the nation about the reasons for the second Gulf War wouldn't have been enough to at least CONSIDER impeachment, you seriously need to read your Constitution. Of course, he wasn't, so it's a moot point.
Get off the impeachment bullshit and focus on the important things: we've got an economy that's still in the shitter and an unemployment issue that needs fixing. Social Security will run out before many of our parents can draw it, and the system's broken. We can't feed many of our own citizens, and our infrastructure's broken as well.
Let's get off the petty, childish, playground bullshit fights, find a way to pull together, and do what we all claim we want to do: set this country on a path to once again being the BEST in the world.
I'm the Fat Man, and I approved this message.
What the Hell is Wrong With Some People?
Took a few days off to attend my sister's graduation, my niece's high school graduation, and to get in on my game night. Hey...I'm a big, fucking softie and a game playing geek. Get over it or fuck off, your choice.
After attending two graduations in three days, I've come to a certain realization: The reason so many of today's kids are so fucked up is because their parents are as fucked up as they are. You think I'm kidding? Alrighty, then......read on:
Let's start with etiquette and protocol. To me, etiquette dictates that if you need to get closer to where the graduates are in order to take a picture, you do so as unobtrusively as possible, and, if you do wind up getting in someone's way, you apologize and get the hell out of the way as quickly as possible. Kudos to those who remembered protocols and said "Excuse me", "Pardon me", "Thanks", and "Sorry" as they quickly got as close as they could to take their picture, which I can TOTALLY understand wanting to do, and got back out of the way just as quickly.
What's the opposite of that? How 'bout the chick who chose to stand in front of my brother-in-law for the better part of a half hour on Saturday, and only sat down when a Granite City police officer MADE her do it. Believe me, to hear my mother-in-law shout back and forth with that group in front of us was a shocker, as she's usually the one asking me to restrain myself. Of course, they had the excuse that "we're just showing respect for the graduates as they come in".
Maybe, but that only explains about 10 minutes of her standing there. What about the previous half hour? Oh, yeah, and AFTER the little exchange? Let's get clear about something: you have a problem with me or any other member of my family, at least have the decency to turn around and tell us how you feel. Don't sit there, facing away from us, and throw your bitchy little comments to the family members on either side of you, just loud enough so we can hear them. Put your big girl pants on, turn around and face us, and give me the opportunity to hold up a couple of fingers so I can show you my age and/or opinion of you. Just saying.
Here's another one, and I'm gonna tread in a politically incorrect area on this one: I HATE it when black people show their ass in public, then try to rationalize it by telling me "It's a black thing. You don't get it." Bull. Shit. It's not a black thing, because I know a whole lot of black people who have good manners and understand proper social protocols and DON'T act like morons in public.
Do me a favor: don't drop the race card to justify acting like a complete tool. Again, grow up and take some fucking responsibility, and just admit you didn't bother to listen when your mother tried to teach you how to act around other people.
And that goes for you white folks who act like shitheads in public, then try to justify it by saying shit like "Lighten up" or "You just don't get it". Again: BULLSHIT.
I DO get it. YOU are the one who doesn't. You're acting like a fucking idiot in public, and don't want to admit you are. How 'bout you own up to it, then shut your cake hole?
Oh, and to the woman who decided to be passive aggressive and yell in my ear AGAIN in a tone and volume that rattled my eardrum after I tried to POLITELY explain you'd hurt my ears?
FUCK YOU, BITCH!!!!!!
I was very polite in pointing out that I understood your excitement at seeing your child graduate. I even pointed out, firmly but politely, that you'd hurt my ears. Hell, your friend or family member or whoever she was even shot you a look that said "you might have gone a bit too far". However, when I turned back around and sat down, you just HAD to do it again.
Yeah....you're a bitch. Hope your kid has better manners.
My God, it was a wake-up call for me. I mean, I just blogged an entry earlier this week about how so many of today's kids don't have any manners, and it wasn't even clicking with me at the time that the reason so many of them are that way is because so many of their parents are idiots.
Now, like I've said before, if you're one of those who "gets it": THANK YOU.
If you're not? Stay the hell away from me, especially when I'm hot, sweaty, and sunburned. You might just find out a whole hell of a lot more about yourself than you thought you were going to when the day began.
Hey......when you break protocols on me, I WILL fire back. Especially when my wife has given me the okay to do it.
After attending two graduations in three days, I've come to a certain realization: The reason so many of today's kids are so fucked up is because their parents are as fucked up as they are. You think I'm kidding? Alrighty, then......read on:
Let's start with etiquette and protocol. To me, etiquette dictates that if you need to get closer to where the graduates are in order to take a picture, you do so as unobtrusively as possible, and, if you do wind up getting in someone's way, you apologize and get the hell out of the way as quickly as possible. Kudos to those who remembered protocols and said "Excuse me", "Pardon me", "Thanks", and "Sorry" as they quickly got as close as they could to take their picture, which I can TOTALLY understand wanting to do, and got back out of the way just as quickly.
What's the opposite of that? How 'bout the chick who chose to stand in front of my brother-in-law for the better part of a half hour on Saturday, and only sat down when a Granite City police officer MADE her do it. Believe me, to hear my mother-in-law shout back and forth with that group in front of us was a shocker, as she's usually the one asking me to restrain myself. Of course, they had the excuse that "we're just showing respect for the graduates as they come in".
Maybe, but that only explains about 10 minutes of her standing there. What about the previous half hour? Oh, yeah, and AFTER the little exchange? Let's get clear about something: you have a problem with me or any other member of my family, at least have the decency to turn around and tell us how you feel. Don't sit there, facing away from us, and throw your bitchy little comments to the family members on either side of you, just loud enough so we can hear them. Put your big girl pants on, turn around and face us, and give me the opportunity to hold up a couple of fingers so I can show you my age and/or opinion of you. Just saying.
Here's another one, and I'm gonna tread in a politically incorrect area on this one: I HATE it when black people show their ass in public, then try to rationalize it by telling me "It's a black thing. You don't get it." Bull. Shit. It's not a black thing, because I know a whole lot of black people who have good manners and understand proper social protocols and DON'T act like morons in public.
Do me a favor: don't drop the race card to justify acting like a complete tool. Again, grow up and take some fucking responsibility, and just admit you didn't bother to listen when your mother tried to teach you how to act around other people.
And that goes for you white folks who act like shitheads in public, then try to justify it by saying shit like "Lighten up" or "You just don't get it". Again: BULLSHIT.
I DO get it. YOU are the one who doesn't. You're acting like a fucking idiot in public, and don't want to admit you are. How 'bout you own up to it, then shut your cake hole?
Oh, and to the woman who decided to be passive aggressive and yell in my ear AGAIN in a tone and volume that rattled my eardrum after I tried to POLITELY explain you'd hurt my ears?
FUCK YOU, BITCH!!!!!!
I was very polite in pointing out that I understood your excitement at seeing your child graduate. I even pointed out, firmly but politely, that you'd hurt my ears. Hell, your friend or family member or whoever she was even shot you a look that said "you might have gone a bit too far". However, when I turned back around and sat down, you just HAD to do it again.
Yeah....you're a bitch. Hope your kid has better manners.
My God, it was a wake-up call for me. I mean, I just blogged an entry earlier this week about how so many of today's kids don't have any manners, and it wasn't even clicking with me at the time that the reason so many of them are that way is because so many of their parents are idiots.
Now, like I've said before, if you're one of those who "gets it": THANK YOU.
If you're not? Stay the hell away from me, especially when I'm hot, sweaty, and sunburned. You might just find out a whole hell of a lot more about yourself than you thought you were going to when the day began.
Hey......when you break protocols on me, I WILL fire back. Especially when my wife has given me the okay to do it.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Living In An Unequal World
Yup. Here's another blog pretty much guaranteed to piss off somebody. If it does? That's your fucking problem, not mine.
For all the rights we claim to have as Americans, we willingly support policies that make this one of the most unequal countries in the free world.
Think I'm kidding?
Ask someone who's GLBT how equal our country is. Ask someone of color how equal our country is. Hell, ask a naturalized US citizen how equal our country can be.
Frankly, we've managed to bullshit ourselves into believing this country is so fucking equal that we're better than everybody else.
Now, before you come after me like the villagers after Boris Karloff, I do believe that, in a great number of ways, this is the best country in the world to live in. After all, there are countries out there where I'd be killed merely for posting the comments I have been on this little blog thing of mine. So, don't think I hate my country and want to leave it, because I love living here.
But, I'm disappointed that my country has left so many behind. This country was founded on the idea that ANYBODY could get ahead or rise to the top. The reality is not quite as rosey.
Before I continue, let me lay a little knowledge on you: it's called "white priviledge", and it's the unwritten policy of this country that basically follows that whites, specifically white males, have more rights and priviledges than anyone else. Ask someone of color if I'm bullshitting right now. I'll wait......
See? I wasn't lying.
Let's be honest with ourselves. This country was founded on a contradiction. Our country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. Let me say that again, just in case it didn't hit you. People who OWNED other people fought a war to be FREE from another nation, then had the balls to write about how "all men are created equal." Nice start.
But, if we're really being honest with ourselves, the "freedom" that our Founding Fathers were talking about really only applied to older, rich, white men. Poor men, regardless of color, didn't have any rights under their idea of government. That's why the Electoral College was created in the first place: these old, white men so feared that the, in their words, "ignorant, poor men" would so FUCK UP their little game, they decided to put the actual election of a president into the hands of what were intended to be other rich, old, white men.
See a pattern here?
And, let's not even talk about the role of women. You ever get curious where the concept that "a woman's place is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen" came from? See the above mentioned old, white, male assholes. Just saying.
So, with a beginning like that, we really shouldn't be surprised that our country continues to give those who aren't old, white, and male the big shaft.
But we shouldn't stand idly by while they do it.
Think about the absolute balls it took to be a part of the Civil Rights Movement. To be black and living in the hate-filled areas of the south at that time, knowing there were racist assholes out there who'd hang a black man just for talking to them, and deciding you'd had just about enough of the bullshit of inequity, so you'd stand up for your rights.
Look at news footage from the time. It's all over the web. Cops beat the absolute shit out of black men, women, and children, set dogs loose on them to chew them up, had the fire department blow the hell out of them with fire hoses on full blast, then would lynch, shoot, or otherwise mutilate and kill them.
That's a hell of a lot to risk for your rights. But, these folks did it. And what did they get for their troubles? Sure, things got somewhat better, but in the overall scheme of things it took another 40 years for a man of color to be elected President, and even HE can't seem to catch a break. We still see a disturbing lack of progress of people of ANY color throughout our government, federal, state, AND local.
Same thing for women. At least for them, the 1980's provided a certain level of glass-ceiling-shattering, providing for more opportunities in the workplace. However, I think you can still ask a lot of women whether or not they feel equal, and they'll probably tell you they don't.
Then, there's our friends in the GLBT community. Talk about not being able to catch a break.
Look, I'm as hetero as it gets. But, I'm not so archaic in my thought that the concept of a man and a man having a loving relationship is wrong. I say, whatever.
The problem over time has been in the way homosexuality has been viewed. Go back and read articles from the early and mid 20th century. You'll see homosexuality referred to as "perversion", and homosexuality referred to as a "choice".
Let's grow up and be honest with ourselves, people. Homosexuality is NOT a choice. I believe in my heart of hearts that you're born with sexual orientation. From the day you're born, you're headed down the path you will lead for your life in this area. The difference is that the social pressures placed on people force them to hide their orientation because of the prejudices that exist in our world.
And, how fucking SAD is that?
Here's the thing: What two consenting adults do is their fucking business. Not mine. And, for those who would point to the Bible and call homosexuality a sin, I would remind you that white men for hundreds of years pointed to the Bible and swore beyond a shadow of a doubt that it said slavery was not only okay, but mandated by God. Sorry, not buying the religious argument.
And, besides, so many of you follow certain tenants of your religion but not all of them, so why, as an intelligent human being, would you choose willingly to believe something that you know in your heart and mind is morally wrong? You KNOW that discrimination is wrong. Don't hate because of your religion. Hell, DON'T HATE.
The fact that some states are passing laws allowing for gay marriage is a positive step. However, the federal government needs to step up and allow for full protections of these marriages. And that includes property and insurance rights, among other things.
While we're at it, let's elect a woman President next go around. Men have had 200 years of fucking up and disrespecting the post. Let's let the ladies have a go at it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, let's be in fact what we claim to be in writing: a land where EVERYONE is equal, with equal rights and supports under the law.
I'll vote for that.
For all the rights we claim to have as Americans, we willingly support policies that make this one of the most unequal countries in the free world.
Think I'm kidding?
Ask someone who's GLBT how equal our country is. Ask someone of color how equal our country is. Hell, ask a naturalized US citizen how equal our country can be.
Frankly, we've managed to bullshit ourselves into believing this country is so fucking equal that we're better than everybody else.
Now, before you come after me like the villagers after Boris Karloff, I do believe that, in a great number of ways, this is the best country in the world to live in. After all, there are countries out there where I'd be killed merely for posting the comments I have been on this little blog thing of mine. So, don't think I hate my country and want to leave it, because I love living here.
But, I'm disappointed that my country has left so many behind. This country was founded on the idea that ANYBODY could get ahead or rise to the top. The reality is not quite as rosey.
Before I continue, let me lay a little knowledge on you: it's called "white priviledge", and it's the unwritten policy of this country that basically follows that whites, specifically white males, have more rights and priviledges than anyone else. Ask someone of color if I'm bullshitting right now. I'll wait......
See? I wasn't lying.
Let's be honest with ourselves. This country was founded on a contradiction. Our country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. Let me say that again, just in case it didn't hit you. People who OWNED other people fought a war to be FREE from another nation, then had the balls to write about how "all men are created equal." Nice start.
But, if we're really being honest with ourselves, the "freedom" that our Founding Fathers were talking about really only applied to older, rich, white men. Poor men, regardless of color, didn't have any rights under their idea of government. That's why the Electoral College was created in the first place: these old, white men so feared that the, in their words, "ignorant, poor men" would so FUCK UP their little game, they decided to put the actual election of a president into the hands of what were intended to be other rich, old, white men.
See a pattern here?
And, let's not even talk about the role of women. You ever get curious where the concept that "a woman's place is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen" came from? See the above mentioned old, white, male assholes. Just saying.
So, with a beginning like that, we really shouldn't be surprised that our country continues to give those who aren't old, white, and male the big shaft.
But we shouldn't stand idly by while they do it.
Think about the absolute balls it took to be a part of the Civil Rights Movement. To be black and living in the hate-filled areas of the south at that time, knowing there were racist assholes out there who'd hang a black man just for talking to them, and deciding you'd had just about enough of the bullshit of inequity, so you'd stand up for your rights.
Look at news footage from the time. It's all over the web. Cops beat the absolute shit out of black men, women, and children, set dogs loose on them to chew them up, had the fire department blow the hell out of them with fire hoses on full blast, then would lynch, shoot, or otherwise mutilate and kill them.
That's a hell of a lot to risk for your rights. But, these folks did it. And what did they get for their troubles? Sure, things got somewhat better, but in the overall scheme of things it took another 40 years for a man of color to be elected President, and even HE can't seem to catch a break. We still see a disturbing lack of progress of people of ANY color throughout our government, federal, state, AND local.
Same thing for women. At least for them, the 1980's provided a certain level of glass-ceiling-shattering, providing for more opportunities in the workplace. However, I think you can still ask a lot of women whether or not they feel equal, and they'll probably tell you they don't.
Then, there's our friends in the GLBT community. Talk about not being able to catch a break.
Look, I'm as hetero as it gets. But, I'm not so archaic in my thought that the concept of a man and a man having a loving relationship is wrong. I say, whatever.
The problem over time has been in the way homosexuality has been viewed. Go back and read articles from the early and mid 20th century. You'll see homosexuality referred to as "perversion", and homosexuality referred to as a "choice".
Let's grow up and be honest with ourselves, people. Homosexuality is NOT a choice. I believe in my heart of hearts that you're born with sexual orientation. From the day you're born, you're headed down the path you will lead for your life in this area. The difference is that the social pressures placed on people force them to hide their orientation because of the prejudices that exist in our world.
And, how fucking SAD is that?
Here's the thing: What two consenting adults do is their fucking business. Not mine. And, for those who would point to the Bible and call homosexuality a sin, I would remind you that white men for hundreds of years pointed to the Bible and swore beyond a shadow of a doubt that it said slavery was not only okay, but mandated by God. Sorry, not buying the religious argument.
And, besides, so many of you follow certain tenants of your religion but not all of them, so why, as an intelligent human being, would you choose willingly to believe something that you know in your heart and mind is morally wrong? You KNOW that discrimination is wrong. Don't hate because of your religion. Hell, DON'T HATE.
The fact that some states are passing laws allowing for gay marriage is a positive step. However, the federal government needs to step up and allow for full protections of these marriages. And that includes property and insurance rights, among other things.
While we're at it, let's elect a woman President next go around. Men have had 200 years of fucking up and disrespecting the post. Let's let the ladies have a go at it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, let's be in fact what we claim to be in writing: a land where EVERYONE is equal, with equal rights and supports under the law.
I'll vote for that.
This Is 40?
With all due respect to Judd Apatow, I'm co-opting his movie title for my blog title this go around.
Yeah, okay, today is my 40th birthday. In all honesty, I don't feel any different than I did yesterday at 39. Hell, I've been claiming to be 40 since January, since it was just easier to do it. (Sounds like a little kid again, when you'd claim to be the next year older about a week after the previous birthday.)
But, since I've made it to this point, maybe it's a good time to examine what I've learned (this should be interesting...for me, anyway).....
1. Guys: Never piss into a head wind. Doesn't end well.
2. Girls: Same thing. Just saying.
3. Just because the buffet says "All You Can Eat", it doesn't mean you have to eat like a felon on death row having his last supper. But doing so certainly means you got your money's worth.
4. If you're out drinking with your friends and one of them offers you a squeegee, you say NO.
5. Same with a mind eraser. Long Island Ice Tea. Hell, ANYTHING I'm mixing.
6. Never shit where you eat. Animals have figured it out, why can't humans?
7. Don't believe anything politicians tell you. Remember, the only thing about them that differs them from con men is the fact that we bought their bullshit once and elected them. Just saying.
8. For that matter, don't take ANYTHING you're told at face value. Be a person of intelligence and fucking READ! Check the internet, read a book, talk to others....UNDERSTAND the argument before you follow along like the good little lemming you want to be.
9. Guys: Just because it looked cool on a porno doesn't mean your wife/girlfriend will want to try it. You should know better.
10. Girls: Just because it looked sexy on the soap opera our sounded cool in the romance novel doesn't mean we can pull it off when we're together. You're smarter than us. You SHOULD know better.
11. Free speech doesn't exempt you from an ass kicking when you piss off the wrong person.
12. Thousands of good men and women have died throughout our country's history so you can HAVE that right to free speech. Show the military a little fucking respect. You don't agree with our nation's military policy? It's not the fault of the military men and women. They follow orders because they HAVE to, whether they like or agree with them or not. Vote out the fuckers that MAKE the policy.
13. As you get older, birthdays are more like assholes. Everybody's got one, and yours doesn't stink nearly as bad as others do. Just saying.
14. Utilize your spell check. It can be the difference between telling people you pulled your groin and you're pulling your groin. Big difference.
15. Show a little respect to our friends in the GLBT community. It cannot be easy to live in a country that talks about freedom, yet piles so much shit on a group of people that only wish to have the same rights as everybody else. (I've got another whole blog coming on this one later, so I'll just leave my comments at this for now.)
16. Hug your kids tonight. Believe me, I wish I could. :-(
That's not all I've learned in 40 years, but it's enough for now. Besides, if I put it all out there, what the hell am I gonna write about?
See you in the blogisphere!
The Fat Man
Yeah, okay, today is my 40th birthday. In all honesty, I don't feel any different than I did yesterday at 39. Hell, I've been claiming to be 40 since January, since it was just easier to do it. (Sounds like a little kid again, when you'd claim to be the next year older about a week after the previous birthday.)
But, since I've made it to this point, maybe it's a good time to examine what I've learned (this should be interesting...for me, anyway).....
1. Guys: Never piss into a head wind. Doesn't end well.
2. Girls: Same thing. Just saying.
3. Just because the buffet says "All You Can Eat", it doesn't mean you have to eat like a felon on death row having his last supper. But doing so certainly means you got your money's worth.
4. If you're out drinking with your friends and one of them offers you a squeegee, you say NO.
5. Same with a mind eraser. Long Island Ice Tea. Hell, ANYTHING I'm mixing.
6. Never shit where you eat. Animals have figured it out, why can't humans?
7. Don't believe anything politicians tell you. Remember, the only thing about them that differs them from con men is the fact that we bought their bullshit once and elected them. Just saying.
8. For that matter, don't take ANYTHING you're told at face value. Be a person of intelligence and fucking READ! Check the internet, read a book, talk to others....UNDERSTAND the argument before you follow along like the good little lemming you want to be.
9. Guys: Just because it looked cool on a porno doesn't mean your wife/girlfriend will want to try it. You should know better.
10. Girls: Just because it looked sexy on the soap opera our sounded cool in the romance novel doesn't mean we can pull it off when we're together. You're smarter than us. You SHOULD know better.
11. Free speech doesn't exempt you from an ass kicking when you piss off the wrong person.
12. Thousands of good men and women have died throughout our country's history so you can HAVE that right to free speech. Show the military a little fucking respect. You don't agree with our nation's military policy? It's not the fault of the military men and women. They follow orders because they HAVE to, whether they like or agree with them or not. Vote out the fuckers that MAKE the policy.
13. As you get older, birthdays are more like assholes. Everybody's got one, and yours doesn't stink nearly as bad as others do. Just saying.
14. Utilize your spell check. It can be the difference between telling people you pulled your groin and you're pulling your groin. Big difference.
15. Show a little respect to our friends in the GLBT community. It cannot be easy to live in a country that talks about freedom, yet piles so much shit on a group of people that only wish to have the same rights as everybody else. (I've got another whole blog coming on this one later, so I'll just leave my comments at this for now.)
16. Hug your kids tonight. Believe me, I wish I could. :-(
That's not all I've learned in 40 years, but it's enough for now. Besides, if I put it all out there, what the hell am I gonna write about?
See you in the blogisphere!
The Fat Man
To The Woman Who Deals With This....
Okay, I'll admit that it would be easy to get on here and talk about how my wife's "this" or "that", and take the opportunity to bitch about every little thing she does that pisses me off.
And, while I'll definitely be sharing some of the funnier things she does over time, and YES, I warned her I might, I'm not going to just rip her a new one for the sake of doing so.
Wouldn't be fair.
Wouldn't be right.
After all, she's the woman who chose (willingly, I think) to spend the rest of her life with me. Even though my Dad repeatedly tried to warn her not to. I wish I was kidding about that, but for those of you who knew my dad, you know I'm not.
I'll be the first one to admit: I'm not the easiest person to get along with, much less in a relationship (and, suddenly, many of his ex-girlfriends who actually READ this bullshit called out "Amen, Brother!"). I'm moody, look for any opportunity to spend time by myself, and, frankly, cannot STAND to ever be wrong. (Hey...now I sound JUST LIKE DAD! Holy shit, they were right!)
And, as I've pointed out to her on numerous occasions, if she'd met me even five years earlier than she did, she'd have hated my fucking guts.
So, what's changed?
I'd like to think that I have, in some way. I mean, I know when I was a teenager I was an absolute shit. Then again, who wasn't? I mean, while I do have some friends who married their high school sweetheart, a great many of us didn't, or, if we did, we're now on spouse 2 (or in some cases, 3 or 4). I was easily swayed by the opinions of my friends, and therefore didn't make decisions on relationships based solely on my heart and mind, but on my level of popularity.
Of course, even when I DID, I was driven by a certain hormonal need that tended to end relationships pretty quickly. Yeah.....teenage boys are SUCH assholes.
Okay, so throw high school out of the picture. It's been 22 years since I graduated. How come it took 15 years to find "the perfect match"?
Great question.
See, during that period of time, I've been involved in three relationships I would define as serious and long term. The first was during college, and I let that one disintegrate because of my own substantial ego combined with the beginning of some serious alcoholism. However, in the intervening years we've been able to talk as friends, and I'm proud to count her as one of my Facebook friends. The second relationship, and also the first time I was ever engaged, I would say wasn't a "real" equal-partnership relationship. It was about me trying to mold someone younger than me into the partner I wanted her to be instead of loving her for who she was. Fortunately for her, she was smart enough to realize she was better off without me than with me, and, again, I'm pleased to be able to say she's a Facebook friend, and someone I still see in person from time to time and can converse pleasantly with (hey, that really means something, considering there was a time that breaking up with me meant you got the big FUCK YOU...which meant I didn't want to have SHIT to do with you. Ever.)
That brings me to my beautiful wife. What the hell changed in me to have not screwed this up? Oh, believe me, I've done shit during our 7+ years together (almost 6 of them married) that probably should have made her kick me to the curb. However, she hasn't. She chose instead to work with me and work through the issues.
That's when I FINALLY figured it out.
A relationship is about give and take, and those have to balance out in the end.
Yeah, I know...FUCKING DUH, dumbass!!!!
Well, you have to know me to know how hardheaded I can be sometimes. Like I said, I'm a real shit to live with.
But, my wife puts up with all of that and still loves me anyway. Hell, she had my birthday present and a really awesome card ready on the table when I got home from work about an hour ago. Seriously. She rocks that much.
It was a hell of a road that got me to her, but now I can't see travelling the path with anyone else.
I love you, honey.
Oh, and if any of you think I wrote all of this in some lame attempt to get laid........you're wrong.
She knows better than to believe my bullshit when she thinks I want to get some. :-)
And, while I'll definitely be sharing some of the funnier things she does over time, and YES, I warned her I might, I'm not going to just rip her a new one for the sake of doing so.
Wouldn't be fair.
Wouldn't be right.
After all, she's the woman who chose (willingly, I think) to spend the rest of her life with me. Even though my Dad repeatedly tried to warn her not to. I wish I was kidding about that, but for those of you who knew my dad, you know I'm not.
I'll be the first one to admit: I'm not the easiest person to get along with, much less in a relationship (and, suddenly, many of his ex-girlfriends who actually READ this bullshit called out "Amen, Brother!"). I'm moody, look for any opportunity to spend time by myself, and, frankly, cannot STAND to ever be wrong. (Hey...now I sound JUST LIKE DAD! Holy shit, they were right!)
And, as I've pointed out to her on numerous occasions, if she'd met me even five years earlier than she did, she'd have hated my fucking guts.
So, what's changed?
I'd like to think that I have, in some way. I mean, I know when I was a teenager I was an absolute shit. Then again, who wasn't? I mean, while I do have some friends who married their high school sweetheart, a great many of us didn't, or, if we did, we're now on spouse 2 (or in some cases, 3 or 4). I was easily swayed by the opinions of my friends, and therefore didn't make decisions on relationships based solely on my heart and mind, but on my level of popularity.
Of course, even when I DID, I was driven by a certain hormonal need that tended to end relationships pretty quickly. Yeah.....teenage boys are SUCH assholes.
Okay, so throw high school out of the picture. It's been 22 years since I graduated. How come it took 15 years to find "the perfect match"?
Great question.
See, during that period of time, I've been involved in three relationships I would define as serious and long term. The first was during college, and I let that one disintegrate because of my own substantial ego combined with the beginning of some serious alcoholism. However, in the intervening years we've been able to talk as friends, and I'm proud to count her as one of my Facebook friends. The second relationship, and also the first time I was ever engaged, I would say wasn't a "real" equal-partnership relationship. It was about me trying to mold someone younger than me into the partner I wanted her to be instead of loving her for who she was. Fortunately for her, she was smart enough to realize she was better off without me than with me, and, again, I'm pleased to be able to say she's a Facebook friend, and someone I still see in person from time to time and can converse pleasantly with (hey, that really means something, considering there was a time that breaking up with me meant you got the big FUCK YOU...which meant I didn't want to have SHIT to do with you. Ever.)
That brings me to my beautiful wife. What the hell changed in me to have not screwed this up? Oh, believe me, I've done shit during our 7+ years together (almost 6 of them married) that probably should have made her kick me to the curb. However, she hasn't. She chose instead to work with me and work through the issues.
That's when I FINALLY figured it out.
A relationship is about give and take, and those have to balance out in the end.
Yeah, I know...FUCKING DUH, dumbass!!!!
Well, you have to know me to know how hardheaded I can be sometimes. Like I said, I'm a real shit to live with.
But, my wife puts up with all of that and still loves me anyway. Hell, she had my birthday present and a really awesome card ready on the table when I got home from work about an hour ago. Seriously. She rocks that much.
It was a hell of a road that got me to her, but now I can't see travelling the path with anyone else.
I love you, honey.
Oh, and if any of you think I wrote all of this in some lame attempt to get laid........you're wrong.
She knows better than to believe my bullshit when she thinks I want to get some. :-)
Why Am I Here?
More to the point, why am I doing this? I mean, why am I choosing to share my life and thoughts in a blog?
A friend of mine asked me that very question the other day in a personal message on Facebook. They pointed out to me that with me trying to get a teaching job or adopt a child "you're taking a big risk by putting all this stuff out there for the world to see."
True.
But, I'd point out that I've been trying to be a good boy and not say what I mean and try to toe the line, and where has that gotten me? Abso-fucking-lutly nowhere.
Hell, I KNOW I should be watching my p's and q's and not putting "controversial" shit out there, but, you know what? It occurred to me recently that life's far too short to just sit around and wait for opportunity to knock on your door. What I needed to do was bang on that s.o.b's door and bust the fucker in.
Therefore, I started a blog.
Besides, it's not like I made some porno that teenage kids can look up online and use against me at some point. Yeah, like I'm gonna do THAT. First off, NOBODY, not even my wife, wants to see this body on film, I can guarantee you that. Second off, and frankly this is the more important one, I don't think it's sexy or adventurous to record yourself having sex with somebody. Unless you're a paid "professional" doing it for money, it's a really bad idea. Even then, it's not the smartest, but who am I to argue with the "beautiful people" who do it?
So, what about the potential harm to an adoption? Well, we've had our foster license for three years and have gotten basically squat on calls, and, as I pointed out once before, our adoption chances have been pretty fucking slim. So, really, what's to be harmed at this point? Yeah, I'm dropping my opinions on here in all their glory, profanity included. If that offends someone to the point that they don't want me to adopt their kid, that's their short-sighted problem, not mine. If I can be a bit arrogant for a moment, and I'm gonna be whether or not you want me to, I think I'd make a pretty damn good parent, thank you very much. This is just a very small part of who I am, and those who judge me based solely on this can kiss my size 60 pants wearing ass.
Someone else asked me if I was concerned about my current employer finding out. Don't really care. So long as I don't rip the company (which I won't) or say really shitty things about people with mental illness (which I won't), they don't have a leg to stand on to bitch about it, and if they try, that's where I let my bulldog of a lawyer loose on them and make some bank on my First Amendment rights. 'Nuff said.
So, for those who were hoping this "blog thing" was just a "fad", and that reason and sanity would return to me and I'd sign off......
....not gonna fucking happen. Thanks for playing, anyway.
A friend of mine asked me that very question the other day in a personal message on Facebook. They pointed out to me that with me trying to get a teaching job or adopt a child "you're taking a big risk by putting all this stuff out there for the world to see."
True.
But, I'd point out that I've been trying to be a good boy and not say what I mean and try to toe the line, and where has that gotten me? Abso-fucking-lutly nowhere.
Hell, I KNOW I should be watching my p's and q's and not putting "controversial" shit out there, but, you know what? It occurred to me recently that life's far too short to just sit around and wait for opportunity to knock on your door. What I needed to do was bang on that s.o.b's door and bust the fucker in.
Therefore, I started a blog.
Besides, it's not like I made some porno that teenage kids can look up online and use against me at some point. Yeah, like I'm gonna do THAT. First off, NOBODY, not even my wife, wants to see this body on film, I can guarantee you that. Second off, and frankly this is the more important one, I don't think it's sexy or adventurous to record yourself having sex with somebody. Unless you're a paid "professional" doing it for money, it's a really bad idea. Even then, it's not the smartest, but who am I to argue with the "beautiful people" who do it?
So, what about the potential harm to an adoption? Well, we've had our foster license for three years and have gotten basically squat on calls, and, as I pointed out once before, our adoption chances have been pretty fucking slim. So, really, what's to be harmed at this point? Yeah, I'm dropping my opinions on here in all their glory, profanity included. If that offends someone to the point that they don't want me to adopt their kid, that's their short-sighted problem, not mine. If I can be a bit arrogant for a moment, and I'm gonna be whether or not you want me to, I think I'd make a pretty damn good parent, thank you very much. This is just a very small part of who I am, and those who judge me based solely on this can kiss my size 60 pants wearing ass.
Someone else asked me if I was concerned about my current employer finding out. Don't really care. So long as I don't rip the company (which I won't) or say really shitty things about people with mental illness (which I won't), they don't have a leg to stand on to bitch about it, and if they try, that's where I let my bulldog of a lawyer loose on them and make some bank on my First Amendment rights. 'Nuff said.
So, for those who were hoping this "blog thing" was just a "fad", and that reason and sanity would return to me and I'd sign off......
....not gonna fucking happen. Thanks for playing, anyway.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Here's Where I Get Guilt Tripped....
.....Otherwise titled, An Open Letter To My Kid Sister.
When you texted me earlier today and called me a jerk for not calling our mother on Mother's Day, you were absolutely right. When you texted me back and called me a "crappy son", you were again absolutely right. When you told me you shouldn't have to deal with Mom's crap because of me, you were, again, absolutely right.
And yet, at the same time, you were absolutely wrong.
Here's the thing: I cannot argue that I'm not going to win "Son of the Year" anytime soon where our mother is concerned. You can count all the holidays and birthdays of hers that I haven't called or written. You can also count the times that I probably should have picked up the phone and given her a call and didn't. Okay? I'll cold grant you that, on face value, those things make me an absolute shit son.
Hell, all things being considered equal, I've been a complete douche of a big brother, too. A lot of the people who read this blog and are friends of mine on Facebook remember how excited I was the day you were born. I even went to the hospital while Mom was in labor with you so I could be among the first to give you a welcome into the world. For most of your first two years on planet Earth, I saw you as often as I could. And in the past nearly 22 years, unfortunately I think I can count on two hands the number of times I've seen you. Do I regret that? You're damn right I do. But, that's for another time, and, frankly, that's a conversation you and I need to have face to face, preferably over a couple of beers.
I told you when we texted that there were a lot of things you didn't know and that I was trying to keep you out of, and I meant what I said. However, it's only fair to bring them up since we're on the subject, and I only ask that you keep an open mind about this.....
You have to understand that my relationship with Mom was shaky before she got pregnant with you. It goes back to there being a lot of weekends that I'd go to spend time with her and instead spent time with one friend or the other coming over to spend the night because she was "going out" with one friend or another. Don't get me wrong: she always liked my friends and made sure the house was pretty well stocked with food and sodas before she left. But, when you go to spend time with your Mom and don't get to spend time with her, it kinda sucks. What sucks worse than that were the nights I spent by myself at age 11 and 12 at her house because she went out and I couldn't get anyone to come over. Yeah, I could keep myself entertained, but, again, I wanted to spend time with HER, not by myself.
Worse than that, and what really started to cause, on my end anyway, the rift in our relationship were the weekends I sat around my Dad's house waiting for her to call me and tell me that she was coming to pick me up for the weekend. I can't tell you how many times I sat there virtually in tears because I'd been sitting around all weekend waiting for her to call, but she never did, or, if she did, it would be on Sunday to apologize and tell me she couldn't come get me this weekend "but I will next weekend." Of course, half the time we'd have the same issue the following weekend.
Look, as an adult I know that some of the issues were due to her depression, which I feel sorry for you to have to have dealt with by yourself at way too early an age. That's another of the reasons why I feel like such a shithead for not being there for you more when you were younger. But, having my heart broken multiple times at that/those ages really hurt, and it hurt enough for there to be a great deal of resentment towards her for a very long time.
When she got pregnant with you, our relationship began to improve. I'd wanted a little brother or sister for as long as I could remember, and the thought of you coming along made me push aside all the issues I had, because I wanted to try to make things work for you. And, for awhile, it did.
I'm not going to bad mouth anyone for why our relationship got rocky again, because there's blame to be passed to both sides. I got older, went off to college, and started living my life, and I didn't contact Mom the way I should have. I'll admit that. But, I also believe a telephone works two ways, and she didn't exactly burn up the lines to try to talk to me.
Unfortunately, the one who paid for that was you, and I wish I could take all of that hurt and anger you have away, but I know I can't. You grew up knowing you had a brother, and there have been several times you've reached out to me, and while I've kept the connection for awhile, I always seem to let it slip away, and that's on me. I give you full credit for trying to keep things going, and I take all the blame for being an asshole. I can't dodge that one.
Where our mother is concerned? I have a lot of feelings about her that I have to work out. I know she, at nearly 60, and me, at nearly 40, are too fucking old to keep going through this shit, and that I need to put on my big boy pants and get the fuck past it, especially with my father having been gone for 6 years.
It's something I want to do. It's something I swear I'm going to do. But, somehow, I keep falling short.
What can I say? I love you both very dearly, and I still to this day talk about you as much as I can to anyone who will sit still long enough to listen. I show your pictures from Facebook to all my friends, and brag about how you're far better than I ever was or probably ever will be. I admit that I can and need to do more, and while my promises don't carry a whole lot of weight with you, I can only promise you that I'll try to be better about it.
All that I ask is that you see my side, cut me a little extra slack (though I get it that I probably don't deserve it), and give me that kick in the nuts I need from time to time.
After all, I've said many a time you are far ballsier than I am, and one tough cookie.
Love you, kid.
When you texted me earlier today and called me a jerk for not calling our mother on Mother's Day, you were absolutely right. When you texted me back and called me a "crappy son", you were again absolutely right. When you told me you shouldn't have to deal with Mom's crap because of me, you were, again, absolutely right.
And yet, at the same time, you were absolutely wrong.
Here's the thing: I cannot argue that I'm not going to win "Son of the Year" anytime soon where our mother is concerned. You can count all the holidays and birthdays of hers that I haven't called or written. You can also count the times that I probably should have picked up the phone and given her a call and didn't. Okay? I'll cold grant you that, on face value, those things make me an absolute shit son.
Hell, all things being considered equal, I've been a complete douche of a big brother, too. A lot of the people who read this blog and are friends of mine on Facebook remember how excited I was the day you were born. I even went to the hospital while Mom was in labor with you so I could be among the first to give you a welcome into the world. For most of your first two years on planet Earth, I saw you as often as I could. And in the past nearly 22 years, unfortunately I think I can count on two hands the number of times I've seen you. Do I regret that? You're damn right I do. But, that's for another time, and, frankly, that's a conversation you and I need to have face to face, preferably over a couple of beers.
I told you when we texted that there were a lot of things you didn't know and that I was trying to keep you out of, and I meant what I said. However, it's only fair to bring them up since we're on the subject, and I only ask that you keep an open mind about this.....
You have to understand that my relationship with Mom was shaky before she got pregnant with you. It goes back to there being a lot of weekends that I'd go to spend time with her and instead spent time with one friend or the other coming over to spend the night because she was "going out" with one friend or another. Don't get me wrong: she always liked my friends and made sure the house was pretty well stocked with food and sodas before she left. But, when you go to spend time with your Mom and don't get to spend time with her, it kinda sucks. What sucks worse than that were the nights I spent by myself at age 11 and 12 at her house because she went out and I couldn't get anyone to come over. Yeah, I could keep myself entertained, but, again, I wanted to spend time with HER, not by myself.
Worse than that, and what really started to cause, on my end anyway, the rift in our relationship were the weekends I sat around my Dad's house waiting for her to call me and tell me that she was coming to pick me up for the weekend. I can't tell you how many times I sat there virtually in tears because I'd been sitting around all weekend waiting for her to call, but she never did, or, if she did, it would be on Sunday to apologize and tell me she couldn't come get me this weekend "but I will next weekend." Of course, half the time we'd have the same issue the following weekend.
Look, as an adult I know that some of the issues were due to her depression, which I feel sorry for you to have to have dealt with by yourself at way too early an age. That's another of the reasons why I feel like such a shithead for not being there for you more when you were younger. But, having my heart broken multiple times at that/those ages really hurt, and it hurt enough for there to be a great deal of resentment towards her for a very long time.
When she got pregnant with you, our relationship began to improve. I'd wanted a little brother or sister for as long as I could remember, and the thought of you coming along made me push aside all the issues I had, because I wanted to try to make things work for you. And, for awhile, it did.
I'm not going to bad mouth anyone for why our relationship got rocky again, because there's blame to be passed to both sides. I got older, went off to college, and started living my life, and I didn't contact Mom the way I should have. I'll admit that. But, I also believe a telephone works two ways, and she didn't exactly burn up the lines to try to talk to me.
Unfortunately, the one who paid for that was you, and I wish I could take all of that hurt and anger you have away, but I know I can't. You grew up knowing you had a brother, and there have been several times you've reached out to me, and while I've kept the connection for awhile, I always seem to let it slip away, and that's on me. I give you full credit for trying to keep things going, and I take all the blame for being an asshole. I can't dodge that one.
Where our mother is concerned? I have a lot of feelings about her that I have to work out. I know she, at nearly 60, and me, at nearly 40, are too fucking old to keep going through this shit, and that I need to put on my big boy pants and get the fuck past it, especially with my father having been gone for 6 years.
It's something I want to do. It's something I swear I'm going to do. But, somehow, I keep falling short.
What can I say? I love you both very dearly, and I still to this day talk about you as much as I can to anyone who will sit still long enough to listen. I show your pictures from Facebook to all my friends, and brag about how you're far better than I ever was or probably ever will be. I admit that I can and need to do more, and while my promises don't carry a whole lot of weight with you, I can only promise you that I'll try to be better about it.
All that I ask is that you see my side, cut me a little extra slack (though I get it that I probably don't deserve it), and give me that kick in the nuts I need from time to time.
After all, I've said many a time you are far ballsier than I am, and one tough cookie.
Love you, kid.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
What the Hell Happened???
Jeez...three posts in one night? I MUST be on a fucking roll tonight. :-)
It's funny how your thoughts go sometimes. You're dropping some random bullshit onto your blog, or pissing people off with your thoughts on gun control, (You mean you didn't read the other two entries from tonight? What the hell's wrong with you? Read this shit in order, player.) when another thought hits your grey matter and you've got to get it out.
Some of you will definitely agree with me, and some of you won't get it. That's okay, because if you don't get it, I'm probably talking to you, so do me a favor and read SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY.
What the hell's up with this generation of kids we've got out there? Now, I'll preface this by saying that many of you (including a great number of my Facebook followers) have kids that don't qualify under any of the stuff I'm saying. Your kids are respectful, understand that they're not OWED shit, and are well adjusted enough that I trust them to run our country and our world for us. For the rest of you, time to crack open another profanity-laced rant.
I'm serious about this. We've got a group of knuckleheads out there that wouldn't know respect if it bit them in their saggy-pants ass. I'm about to turn 40, and I remember when I was a kid that you spoke with respect to adults, whether they deserved it or not. You called your teachers "Mr.", "Mrs.", or "Ms.", used "sir" and "ma'am", and didn't act like a fucking smart-ass when addressing them. Sure, we goofed off and had fun with them, but it was always respectful in the end, because we knew if it wasn't, our principals would drop the hammer on us at school, and our parents would put a foot in our ass at home. Not anymore. Now, we've got kids who disrespect their teachers as a matter of habit, and parents who blame the teachers for everything that's wrong with their kid. Nevermind the fact the kid doesn't do his homework, doesn't bother to study for tests, and the only thing he can tell me about Abraham Lincoln is that he "was a vampire hunter, dude." Seriously? My parents INSISTED on knowing what the hell I was studying in class, and while it bothered the hell out of me at the time, I can look back on it now and understand that they were just trying to give me every chance at success.
And that whole "respect" thing? They do it in public, too. We're raising a generation of kids trained to speak in "text" and "tweet". Don't believe me? Go to an English class and read some papers. I shit you not, English teachers have to actually teach middle and high school kids how to fucking write their words properly so they don't fuck up their written assignments. They show no respect for other adults, much less their own parents.
And, while I'm on it, let's go back to the saggy pants. PULL THAT SHIT UP!!!!! Listen, I know my generation had some jacked-up fashion. Hell, my high school senior pictures have me rocking the spiked mullet and acid washed denim. But, I'll tell you this: my pants were where they were supposed to be, and that's at my waist. And if they started to slip? I wore a fucking belt. If you're letting your son wear his pants like that, God help you. Seriously.
The fact that these kids believe the world somehow owes them something makes me laugh my substantially large ass off. Let's get one thing clear, kid: THE WORLD DOESN'T OWE YOU SHIT. If anything, you owe your parents for all the years of putting up with your shit and not selling you into slavery or throwing you off a bridge in a bag. You owe the teachers who spend all their time, and a good chuck of their crappy salaries, trying to teach your "don't-give-a-shit" ass the basics you'll need to survive out in the real world. And, frankly, you owe the person nice enough to give you a minimum wage paying job the fucking respect to show up when you're scheduled, and only take off time when you've either arranged it well in advance or are genuinely sick. Calling off because "Becky and Bonnie think it'd be cool to go to the mall tonight" is complete bullshit, and shows the world how little you respect it. Congrats.
If you're one of these nitwits I've been speaking of, or the parent of one who doesn't know what to do about it, then take this next part into consideration.....
You want to be remembered for something? Start with this idea: take the 10 inch gauges out of your ears, put on some workplace appropriate attire, and show up early for your next shift. Work your job like you actually give a shit, instead of acting like you're doing them a favor by actually being there. Act like you give a shit about people, including this foul-mouthed fat ass. Go to school the next day, and thank your teacher for giving a shit about you, even though you're a knucklehead who doesn't appreciate it, then go home and thank your mom and dad for giving you a roof over your head and food to eat.
Now, I know there are some kids out there who come from the absolute shittiest of homes, and I can understand why the last part of that statement might not work, but you can still show respect to everybody else. Just because you got dealt a shit hand doesn't mean you get to fold and wait for the next game. Doesn't work that way, player. You've got to keep pushing in the chips and try to make the best out of that pair of deuces you were dealt. And if you don't think you can win with a pair of deuces, then you're a pretty shitty card player. Just saying.
Before I go, if you're NOT one of these kids I was talking about, THANK YOU. Thank you for paying attention to the values your parents and others have been trying to instill in you for all these years. Thank you for understanding that you'll only get out of life what you put into it. And if you're the parents of one of these kids, pat yourself on the back, 'cause you've done a rock star job. And I guess I have to buy the first round next time we get together.
And if your a part of the other group? Don't give up. Life's not over until they dump dirt on your coffin. Find an adult that can be a positive example for you, and follow their lead. Take the baby-steps to better yourself. Find a better job, or better friends. Hell, just work to be a better person.
The world's counting on you, kid. Don't let us down.
It's funny how your thoughts go sometimes. You're dropping some random bullshit onto your blog, or pissing people off with your thoughts on gun control, (You mean you didn't read the other two entries from tonight? What the hell's wrong with you? Read this shit in order, player.) when another thought hits your grey matter and you've got to get it out.
Some of you will definitely agree with me, and some of you won't get it. That's okay, because if you don't get it, I'm probably talking to you, so do me a favor and read SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY.
What the hell's up with this generation of kids we've got out there? Now, I'll preface this by saying that many of you (including a great number of my Facebook followers) have kids that don't qualify under any of the stuff I'm saying. Your kids are respectful, understand that they're not OWED shit, and are well adjusted enough that I trust them to run our country and our world for us. For the rest of you, time to crack open another profanity-laced rant.
I'm serious about this. We've got a group of knuckleheads out there that wouldn't know respect if it bit them in their saggy-pants ass. I'm about to turn 40, and I remember when I was a kid that you spoke with respect to adults, whether they deserved it or not. You called your teachers "Mr.", "Mrs.", or "Ms.", used "sir" and "ma'am", and didn't act like a fucking smart-ass when addressing them. Sure, we goofed off and had fun with them, but it was always respectful in the end, because we knew if it wasn't, our principals would drop the hammer on us at school, and our parents would put a foot in our ass at home. Not anymore. Now, we've got kids who disrespect their teachers as a matter of habit, and parents who blame the teachers for everything that's wrong with their kid. Nevermind the fact the kid doesn't do his homework, doesn't bother to study for tests, and the only thing he can tell me about Abraham Lincoln is that he "was a vampire hunter, dude." Seriously? My parents INSISTED on knowing what the hell I was studying in class, and while it bothered the hell out of me at the time, I can look back on it now and understand that they were just trying to give me every chance at success.
And that whole "respect" thing? They do it in public, too. We're raising a generation of kids trained to speak in "text" and "tweet". Don't believe me? Go to an English class and read some papers. I shit you not, English teachers have to actually teach middle and high school kids how to fucking write their words properly so they don't fuck up their written assignments. They show no respect for other adults, much less their own parents.
And, while I'm on it, let's go back to the saggy pants. PULL THAT SHIT UP!!!!! Listen, I know my generation had some jacked-up fashion. Hell, my high school senior pictures have me rocking the spiked mullet and acid washed denim. But, I'll tell you this: my pants were where they were supposed to be, and that's at my waist. And if they started to slip? I wore a fucking belt. If you're letting your son wear his pants like that, God help you. Seriously.
The fact that these kids believe the world somehow owes them something makes me laugh my substantially large ass off. Let's get one thing clear, kid: THE WORLD DOESN'T OWE YOU SHIT. If anything, you owe your parents for all the years of putting up with your shit and not selling you into slavery or throwing you off a bridge in a bag. You owe the teachers who spend all their time, and a good chuck of their crappy salaries, trying to teach your "don't-give-a-shit" ass the basics you'll need to survive out in the real world. And, frankly, you owe the person nice enough to give you a minimum wage paying job the fucking respect to show up when you're scheduled, and only take off time when you've either arranged it well in advance or are genuinely sick. Calling off because "Becky and Bonnie think it'd be cool to go to the mall tonight" is complete bullshit, and shows the world how little you respect it. Congrats.
If you're one of these nitwits I've been speaking of, or the parent of one who doesn't know what to do about it, then take this next part into consideration.....
You want to be remembered for something? Start with this idea: take the 10 inch gauges out of your ears, put on some workplace appropriate attire, and show up early for your next shift. Work your job like you actually give a shit, instead of acting like you're doing them a favor by actually being there. Act like you give a shit about people, including this foul-mouthed fat ass. Go to school the next day, and thank your teacher for giving a shit about you, even though you're a knucklehead who doesn't appreciate it, then go home and thank your mom and dad for giving you a roof over your head and food to eat.
Now, I know there are some kids out there who come from the absolute shittiest of homes, and I can understand why the last part of that statement might not work, but you can still show respect to everybody else. Just because you got dealt a shit hand doesn't mean you get to fold and wait for the next game. Doesn't work that way, player. You've got to keep pushing in the chips and try to make the best out of that pair of deuces you were dealt. And if you don't think you can win with a pair of deuces, then you're a pretty shitty card player. Just saying.
Before I go, if you're NOT one of these kids I was talking about, THANK YOU. Thank you for paying attention to the values your parents and others have been trying to instill in you for all these years. Thank you for understanding that you'll only get out of life what you put into it. And if you're the parents of one of these kids, pat yourself on the back, 'cause you've done a rock star job. And I guess I have to buy the first round next time we get together.
And if your a part of the other group? Don't give up. Life's not over until they dump dirt on your coffin. Find an adult that can be a positive example for you, and follow their lead. Take the baby-steps to better yourself. Find a better job, or better friends. Hell, just work to be a better person.
The world's counting on you, kid. Don't let us down.
Guns and Ammo...The Fat Guy's Perspective
Let me go on the record as stating that I am a gun owner. Proudly. I believe whole-heartedly in the right to protect myself and my family against the bad things (and bad people) that are running around out there. Now, that's not to say I'm gonna carry the gun in the car, waiting to pop a cap in somebody's ass, but if you break into my house? Better hope the cops get here before I can reach my gun, asshole. And this is coming from someone who wouldn't join the military because the thought of taking another life was, at the time, against every logical thought I had. (Well, that and I have this thing about being given orders all the time. Shit, guess I got over that, since I got married! Just kidding, honey. Love you!)
My best friend has become quite the gun collector in recent years. He's got a pretty impressive collection of handguns and long guns, and I'm learning more about weapons and ammunition than I ever thought I'd need to know. He is, as I am, a strong supporter of the Second Amendment.
However, he and I differ on a few points, and these are points I think I differ with many of you on, so I figure I'll take a second to lay out my case.
Let me begin by laying a little knowledge on you: if you truly believe that the government is going to take away your guns and/or force everyone to register their guns, you've bought into the fear-mongering propaganda the media (and the gunmakers) want you to buy into. Hell, the result of the scare is that I can't find a box of 9mm ammo anywhere in the BiState area. Meanwhile, I can buy all the hunting ammo and shotgun shells I want. Guess what's getting pulled on that burglar when he decides to come steal MY shit? Trust me, when he hears that 'rack-rack', he'll have a pretty damn good idea what I'm carrying.
Now, I'm not saying they probably won't ban SOME weapons. Whether I agree with it or not, it's a truth that we're probably going to have to deal with. I totally agree that the incident at Sandy Hook Elementary, and all the other gun-related tragedies around the country, are just that: tragedies. However, we tend as a society to point the finger at the wrong thing, and we've gotten pretty damn good at it, too. Somebody shoots up an elementary school? Had to be the guns, right? Couldn't possibly be the fact the guy was mentally unstable from a home background that wasn't NEARLY as sunny as the sunshine the media was trying initially to blow up our collective asses about it. It's like spilling a hot cup of coffee in your lap while driving, then suing McDonald's for not warning you about the coffee being hot. Seriously? The fact that chick got money makes me fucking puke. It's COFFEE. The shit's SUPPOSED to be hot. Hell, I weigh over 350 pounds. Does that mean I get to sue McDonald's, Jack In The Box, Taco Bell, and all the other fast food restaurants I've eaten at over the past 20 years or so for selling me food that might make me fat? Hell no. Reasonable intelligence tells us I should've been smart enough to know that eating their shit and not exercising would make me fatter than Jabba The Hutt (and if Disney's coming after me for royalty money for using the name, fuck off).
The point is, we as a society don't fucking THINK sometimes. Guns don't kill people. People do. The guns are just the tool used to accomplish the task. There's a reason why people on suicide watch in the hospital don't get shoe strings, belts, or sheets. They are also tools that can be used to take a life. Hell, prisoners make shivs out of toothbrushes. Does that mean we ban toothbrushes in prison? Of course not. I heard it said once that if someone is determined to do something, they're going to do it regardless of what rule, law, or policy you have out there, and, in my opinion, blaming the guns isn't the answer. Though I can see why, in the moment of emotion, it's easy to do so.
Now, with that in mind, you can pretty much bet your bottom dollar that assault rifles (or rifles that can be converted to be assault rifles) will be banned, along with the ginormous clips that some of them currently have. While I don't agree with banning of weaponry, this one really doesn't piss me off as bad as you might think. After all, what the hell do you need with an assault rifle anyway? I didn't realize the deer were fighting back. What the hell do you intend to shoot with it? Anyone? Yeah, that's right, if you've got an assault rifle, you're most likely doing two things with it: showing it off to your friends, and holding it in case of anarchy, in which case you'll use it to, wait for it, kill people.
And, those big clips.....Let me just ask: How crappy of a shot are you if you need a gazillion fucking bullets? I shoot once a year, at most, and the ten round clip in my handgun is more than enough. Hell, if, God forbid, I have to defend myself against an intruder and I NEED more than ten shots, I'm probably fucked anyway.
I don't know sometimes. I mean, we're arguing about guns, and yet there's an entire group of people in our country who are denied the right to have their relationships considered marriage on a federal level. At the same time, we have older folks out there who have to decide between keeping the air conditioning on in their home during the summer or being able to purchase the medications they need to survive. We have kids out there who don't know where they're going to sleep tonight, or when they're going to get a good meal.
Let's get over this thing, people. Sometimes shit happens that sucks and we don't like. What we do is deal with it. And, if it's really BAD legislation, we get ourselves an excellent fucking lawyer and go to the Supreme Court with it.
My best friend has become quite the gun collector in recent years. He's got a pretty impressive collection of handguns and long guns, and I'm learning more about weapons and ammunition than I ever thought I'd need to know. He is, as I am, a strong supporter of the Second Amendment.
However, he and I differ on a few points, and these are points I think I differ with many of you on, so I figure I'll take a second to lay out my case.
Let me begin by laying a little knowledge on you: if you truly believe that the government is going to take away your guns and/or force everyone to register their guns, you've bought into the fear-mongering propaganda the media (and the gunmakers) want you to buy into. Hell, the result of the scare is that I can't find a box of 9mm ammo anywhere in the BiState area. Meanwhile, I can buy all the hunting ammo and shotgun shells I want. Guess what's getting pulled on that burglar when he decides to come steal MY shit? Trust me, when he hears that 'rack-rack', he'll have a pretty damn good idea what I'm carrying.
Now, I'm not saying they probably won't ban SOME weapons. Whether I agree with it or not, it's a truth that we're probably going to have to deal with. I totally agree that the incident at Sandy Hook Elementary, and all the other gun-related tragedies around the country, are just that: tragedies. However, we tend as a society to point the finger at the wrong thing, and we've gotten pretty damn good at it, too. Somebody shoots up an elementary school? Had to be the guns, right? Couldn't possibly be the fact the guy was mentally unstable from a home background that wasn't NEARLY as sunny as the sunshine the media was trying initially to blow up our collective asses about it. It's like spilling a hot cup of coffee in your lap while driving, then suing McDonald's for not warning you about the coffee being hot. Seriously? The fact that chick got money makes me fucking puke. It's COFFEE. The shit's SUPPOSED to be hot. Hell, I weigh over 350 pounds. Does that mean I get to sue McDonald's, Jack In The Box, Taco Bell, and all the other fast food restaurants I've eaten at over the past 20 years or so for selling me food that might make me fat? Hell no. Reasonable intelligence tells us I should've been smart enough to know that eating their shit and not exercising would make me fatter than Jabba The Hutt (and if Disney's coming after me for royalty money for using the name, fuck off).
The point is, we as a society don't fucking THINK sometimes. Guns don't kill people. People do. The guns are just the tool used to accomplish the task. There's a reason why people on suicide watch in the hospital don't get shoe strings, belts, or sheets. They are also tools that can be used to take a life. Hell, prisoners make shivs out of toothbrushes. Does that mean we ban toothbrushes in prison? Of course not. I heard it said once that if someone is determined to do something, they're going to do it regardless of what rule, law, or policy you have out there, and, in my opinion, blaming the guns isn't the answer. Though I can see why, in the moment of emotion, it's easy to do so.
Now, with that in mind, you can pretty much bet your bottom dollar that assault rifles (or rifles that can be converted to be assault rifles) will be banned, along with the ginormous clips that some of them currently have. While I don't agree with banning of weaponry, this one really doesn't piss me off as bad as you might think. After all, what the hell do you need with an assault rifle anyway? I didn't realize the deer were fighting back. What the hell do you intend to shoot with it? Anyone? Yeah, that's right, if you've got an assault rifle, you're most likely doing two things with it: showing it off to your friends, and holding it in case of anarchy, in which case you'll use it to, wait for it, kill people.
And, those big clips.....Let me just ask: How crappy of a shot are you if you need a gazillion fucking bullets? I shoot once a year, at most, and the ten round clip in my handgun is more than enough. Hell, if, God forbid, I have to defend myself against an intruder and I NEED more than ten shots, I'm probably fucked anyway.
I don't know sometimes. I mean, we're arguing about guns, and yet there's an entire group of people in our country who are denied the right to have their relationships considered marriage on a federal level. At the same time, we have older folks out there who have to decide between keeping the air conditioning on in their home during the summer or being able to purchase the medications they need to survive. We have kids out there who don't know where they're going to sleep tonight, or when they're going to get a good meal.
Let's get over this thing, people. Sometimes shit happens that sucks and we don't like. What we do is deal with it. And, if it's really BAD legislation, we get ourselves an excellent fucking lawyer and go to the Supreme Court with it.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Random Shit That's Stuck In My Head, Version 1
Okay, from time to time, I just get a bunch of random shit stuck in my head, and I have to get it loose. Good thing I've got a blog (and blog readers) to throw it at.
Some people see the glass as half full, others as half empty. I say you should've gotten the right sized glass to begin with, you wasteful bastard.
My wife and I bought a new gas grill, which I put together earlier this evening. It's to go with the new deck I've been swearing I'd build for the past year (yeah...no deck yet. Oops.). Why the hell is it I need a fucking degree in engineering, plus four hands, in order to assemble the damn thing? Oh, and if I don't blog again for a bit after Sunday, it's because I blew my hands off after hooking up the gas and lighting it up. Maybe I should forgo the cigar when I light the grill......
On that note, I just LOVE the folks that give me a dirty look when I go outside to the assigned smoking areas at places and pull out a cigar and light up. Listen, fucker, if you can come out and chain smoke your nails, I sure as hell can light up a decent cigar, puff away to my heart's content, and be left the fuck alone. I don't bitch about your cigarettes, leave my cigar alone.
And, don't even get me STARTED on the fuckwads who bitch when I go out to the assigned smoking areas and put in a chew of tobacco. Look, I've been chewing at least as long as you've been smoking, asshole, and I can guarantee you the only way MY secondhand product is going to hurt somebody is if they accidentally drink out of my spit cup. And, if they're dumb enough to do that, frankly, they're getting what they have coming to them for not paying attention.
I'm on the record as a dog lover. Hell, I've got three of the furry little fuckers running around my house right now. But, do me a favor, asshole, and keep yours in your own fucking yard. I don't let mine shit on your front porch, don't let yours shit on my yard. I spend enough time picking up my OWN dogs' shit. I don't need to waste time picking up yours. Got it?
And, YES, the big one IS an English Bulldog. THANK YOU for pointing out how cute he is. Do me a favor, though, and don't try to tell me how cute your little pocket poodle is in comparison, okay? My dog might be a complete wuss, but if you can carry your dog in a purse, it's no longer a dog. It's the source of your dumping of a shitload of personal issues. Take the dog out of the purse, put a collar and/or harness on it, add the leash, and walk it like the FUCKING DOG IT IS.
And you folks who STROLLER WALK your dogs? No....not going there. Just find the dog a good home for its own good, would you please?
On a side note, if you own a bulldog, Boston Terrier (of which I've got two), or some other flat-nosed dog, DO NOT have people over to the house that are easily offended, because if farting is something that makes them sick, the dogs will gross them out worse than you EVER could. I know this from experience.
Speaking of making people uncomfortable with your dogs.....is it weird that I'm thinking about recording my dogs' antics and charging people to watch it? One of my female Bostons does this face-and-back humping thing to my bulldog that I think some folks might pay $20 a month to watch. It would at least cover the cost of the vet bills and dog food. Maybe I'm onto something. Or, maybe I'm just ON something.
Those who know me know I'm a die-hard St. Louis Cardinals fan. Since I live in Illinois, I tend to run into a fair amount of Cubs fans, who I try to not feel too sorry for. I always love it when they try to tell me that "this is OUR year." Your year for what? Breaking the record for fewest wins in a season? Having the most players on the DL and the arrest log in a month? Let me take a second to make something very clear to Cubs fans: until you get some REAL ownership that understands the concept of developing prime talent, allowing them to mature, and spending money on the right veteran talent to compliment them, the only thing you've got going for you is that Wrigley Field is a very cool ballpark. Very cool.
And, to those who believe the owners of the rooftops surrounding Wrigley have some sort of "right" to not have their line-of-sight blocked by ballpark improvements: get over yourself. You managed for years to make a very tidy profit selling seats to a game you had no authority to sell them to. Then, when you had to sign contracts with the team to do it, you bitched and moaned about your "rights" being taken away. Let me explain how this works: the owner of the team has the right to make the improvements needed to his stadium in order to maximize his revenue. You have the right to shut the fuck up and realize you had a hell of a thing going for awhile. Do yourself a favor and get out of the way of your team trying to make some progress. Otherwise, it is entirely possible they could leave. Don't think they will? Ask the folks in Montreal how that worked out for them. Or football fans in Cleveland when the Browns 1.0 moved to Baltimore, or the Colts moved to Indy. Just when you think your team doesn't have the balls to move, that's when they whip out a big old set of click-clacks, call the moving van, and roll out of town giving you the finger as they leave. And I'm from St. Louis, where we had a football team do it to us once, and it wouldn't surprise me to see it done again.
To those folks who are hoarding all the ammunition so I can't buy any: you know that "scare" about guns and ammo being limited is pretty much just a ploy to get your to buy more guns and ammo, right? I'll expand on that in a future post.
Okay, I'm done ranting for now. More to come.....
Some people see the glass as half full, others as half empty. I say you should've gotten the right sized glass to begin with, you wasteful bastard.
My wife and I bought a new gas grill, which I put together earlier this evening. It's to go with the new deck I've been swearing I'd build for the past year (yeah...no deck yet. Oops.). Why the hell is it I need a fucking degree in engineering, plus four hands, in order to assemble the damn thing? Oh, and if I don't blog again for a bit after Sunday, it's because I blew my hands off after hooking up the gas and lighting it up. Maybe I should forgo the cigar when I light the grill......
On that note, I just LOVE the folks that give me a dirty look when I go outside to the assigned smoking areas at places and pull out a cigar and light up. Listen, fucker, if you can come out and chain smoke your nails, I sure as hell can light up a decent cigar, puff away to my heart's content, and be left the fuck alone. I don't bitch about your cigarettes, leave my cigar alone.
And, don't even get me STARTED on the fuckwads who bitch when I go out to the assigned smoking areas and put in a chew of tobacco. Look, I've been chewing at least as long as you've been smoking, asshole, and I can guarantee you the only way MY secondhand product is going to hurt somebody is if they accidentally drink out of my spit cup. And, if they're dumb enough to do that, frankly, they're getting what they have coming to them for not paying attention.
I'm on the record as a dog lover. Hell, I've got three of the furry little fuckers running around my house right now. But, do me a favor, asshole, and keep yours in your own fucking yard. I don't let mine shit on your front porch, don't let yours shit on my yard. I spend enough time picking up my OWN dogs' shit. I don't need to waste time picking up yours. Got it?
And, YES, the big one IS an English Bulldog. THANK YOU for pointing out how cute he is. Do me a favor, though, and don't try to tell me how cute your little pocket poodle is in comparison, okay? My dog might be a complete wuss, but if you can carry your dog in a purse, it's no longer a dog. It's the source of your dumping of a shitload of personal issues. Take the dog out of the purse, put a collar and/or harness on it, add the leash, and walk it like the FUCKING DOG IT IS.
And you folks who STROLLER WALK your dogs? No....not going there. Just find the dog a good home for its own good, would you please?
On a side note, if you own a bulldog, Boston Terrier (of which I've got two), or some other flat-nosed dog, DO NOT have people over to the house that are easily offended, because if farting is something that makes them sick, the dogs will gross them out worse than you EVER could. I know this from experience.
Speaking of making people uncomfortable with your dogs.....is it weird that I'm thinking about recording my dogs' antics and charging people to watch it? One of my female Bostons does this face-and-back humping thing to my bulldog that I think some folks might pay $20 a month to watch. It would at least cover the cost of the vet bills and dog food. Maybe I'm onto something. Or, maybe I'm just ON something.
Those who know me know I'm a die-hard St. Louis Cardinals fan. Since I live in Illinois, I tend to run into a fair amount of Cubs fans, who I try to not feel too sorry for. I always love it when they try to tell me that "this is OUR year." Your year for what? Breaking the record for fewest wins in a season? Having the most players on the DL and the arrest log in a month? Let me take a second to make something very clear to Cubs fans: until you get some REAL ownership that understands the concept of developing prime talent, allowing them to mature, and spending money on the right veteran talent to compliment them, the only thing you've got going for you is that Wrigley Field is a very cool ballpark. Very cool.
And, to those who believe the owners of the rooftops surrounding Wrigley have some sort of "right" to not have their line-of-sight blocked by ballpark improvements: get over yourself. You managed for years to make a very tidy profit selling seats to a game you had no authority to sell them to. Then, when you had to sign contracts with the team to do it, you bitched and moaned about your "rights" being taken away. Let me explain how this works: the owner of the team has the right to make the improvements needed to his stadium in order to maximize his revenue. You have the right to shut the fuck up and realize you had a hell of a thing going for awhile. Do yourself a favor and get out of the way of your team trying to make some progress. Otherwise, it is entirely possible they could leave. Don't think they will? Ask the folks in Montreal how that worked out for them. Or football fans in Cleveland when the Browns 1.0 moved to Baltimore, or the Colts moved to Indy. Just when you think your team doesn't have the balls to move, that's when they whip out a big old set of click-clacks, call the moving van, and roll out of town giving you the finger as they leave. And I'm from St. Louis, where we had a football team do it to us once, and it wouldn't surprise me to see it done again.
To those folks who are hoarding all the ammunition so I can't buy any: you know that "scare" about guns and ammo being limited is pretty much just a ploy to get your to buy more guns and ammo, right? I'll expand on that in a future post.
Okay, I'm done ranting for now. More to come.....
To Be, Or Not To Be....A Parent
Mother's Day is coming up this weekend (which reminds me....Mom, you're getting a Mother's Day card. I just mailed it late. My bad!) and while it's always the opportunity to celebrate for my wife and I, it has also continued to be one of a handful of holidays that continues to tear out my wife's heart each and every year.
It's not because her mother's no longer with us. Nope. She'll be at our house on Sunday for Angus burgers, or, as I jokingly referred to them ANUS burgers.
It's not because MY mother's no longer with us. In fact, both my mother and my step-mother are still living, and I'll see Mom next week at my sister's college graduation, while my step-mother will be joining us for the afore-mentioned ass burgers.
It's because in 7-plus years together, my wife still isn't the one thing she wants to be more than anything else in the world.
She's not a mother.
For those dear readers who ARE, you understand what being a mother means to you: that little life that is absolutely dependent on you for so long, then becomes the adult that can't wait to tell you how absolutely full of shit you really are. (Okay, maybe that was just me......and a few of my friends.) You're willing to lay your life on the line for that little person, and they are more important to you than even your spouse (especially if your spouse is a big an asshole as I can be from time-to-time).
Well, for whatever reason, fate continues to conspire against us in becoming parents, and as I come face-to-face with my 40th birthday on Tuesday, I realize the clock for a biological child is almost done ticking. Especially when you take into account fate's other "funny" joke about me and my "little swimmers", who apparently don't know how to swim in the deep end. And, they apparently continue to decrease in number. Nice.
Now, I know what you're saying: If you're fat, why don't you lose the weight? You know it'll help you out.
No shit, Sherlock. I'm LOSING weight. However, when you're nearly 200 pounds overweight, it ain't like cutting weight for wrestling, where you put on the plastic bags, run around the gym until you puke or pass out, and suck on Jolly Ranchers and spit all fucking day. Nope. You go on a 1200 calorie a day diet, eat more green than a fucking rabbit, and watch the weight gradually disappear until your brain begs you for a couple of days off. Then, you gain back five pounds because you just HAD to go to Taco Bell the day after having the prime rib special.
And, YEAH, I KNOW it's a matter of willpower, and mine's always been weak. I'm working on that. That's not the point.
Okay, so what IS the point?
Simple.
I have reached a point where I would do ANYTHING for my wife to be a mother. I'm serious. We attended all the meetings and gained our foster parenting license in the state of Illinois about three years ago. How many times have we actually gotten to take in kids? Twice. The first time was a nightmare. The second? It was too, but in the "rip-out-your-heart-and-hold-it-up-in-front-of-you" way.
You've probably been screaming at the screen: WELL, JUST ADOPT, FAT MAN!!!!
Um.....fucking DUH! Working on it. We've put out applications and "scrapbooks" and written checks to a couple of different places, only to find out that while our books are being read, we're not getting picked.
Nice.
So, what now?
Here's the thing: I'm not putting all of this in print because I'm looking for your sympathy. In fact, I'd appreciate it if you didn't feel sorry for us. Trust me, we go through it enough on our own to last several lifetimes. Besides, if I hear another person say that "God has a plan for you" or "It'll happen when it's meant to happen", I'm punching them in the fucking throat.
And, don't get me wrong, I KNOW it's coming from a sincere place when you say it. I get that. The problem is that, if you look at those comments logically, they're actually more depressing than uplifting. I mean, there are people out there who can pop out a kid virtually on-demand, but we can't have one. There are people out there who have children they don't want, don't take care of, and abuse the shit out of, and two people who would cherish a child like it was made of gold can't have one.
Sorry, but if God has a plan, it sucks to this point.
And, "It'll happen when it's meant to happen"? Seriously?
So, what, then? Am I just going to keep bitching until I turn blue in the face? Am I going to give up on the diet, fall off the wagon, and decide I don't give a shit anymore?
Of course not. Those who know me best know that while I might be down, I'm never out. I WILL get off the mat.
I do feel for my wife, however. While I can't appreciate all of her feelings, I do understand what it's like to really want something for yourself, not be able to have it, and see others who have it and don't appreciate it. And, it sucks. Big, round, hairy donkey balls.
So, for now, I ask for one thing from you, dear reader, regardless of where in the US (or the world, for that matter) you happen to be reading this:
On my Facebook page (Wayne Davis) I have a flyer Jen and I put together about a year ago to hang up at various places around Granite City.
What I ask you to do is make a single copy and put it somewhere where you think it might help. Or, if you know of someone who's looking to put a baby (or a toddler, for that matter) up for adoption, point them in our direction.
Okay, actually I've got two favors, and the second is this:
Don't feel sorry for us. Regardless of what happens, we WILL get through this.
Of course, we might just turn into the weird dog people with 100 dogs in our house, but we WILL get through this.
It's not because her mother's no longer with us. Nope. She'll be at our house on Sunday for Angus burgers, or, as I jokingly referred to them ANUS burgers.
It's not because MY mother's no longer with us. In fact, both my mother and my step-mother are still living, and I'll see Mom next week at my sister's college graduation, while my step-mother will be joining us for the afore-mentioned ass burgers.
It's because in 7-plus years together, my wife still isn't the one thing she wants to be more than anything else in the world.
She's not a mother.
For those dear readers who ARE, you understand what being a mother means to you: that little life that is absolutely dependent on you for so long, then becomes the adult that can't wait to tell you how absolutely full of shit you really are. (Okay, maybe that was just me......and a few of my friends.) You're willing to lay your life on the line for that little person, and they are more important to you than even your spouse (especially if your spouse is a big an asshole as I can be from time-to-time).
Well, for whatever reason, fate continues to conspire against us in becoming parents, and as I come face-to-face with my 40th birthday on Tuesday, I realize the clock for a biological child is almost done ticking. Especially when you take into account fate's other "funny" joke about me and my "little swimmers", who apparently don't know how to swim in the deep end. And, they apparently continue to decrease in number. Nice.
Now, I know what you're saying: If you're fat, why don't you lose the weight? You know it'll help you out.
No shit, Sherlock. I'm LOSING weight. However, when you're nearly 200 pounds overweight, it ain't like cutting weight for wrestling, where you put on the plastic bags, run around the gym until you puke or pass out, and suck on Jolly Ranchers and spit all fucking day. Nope. You go on a 1200 calorie a day diet, eat more green than a fucking rabbit, and watch the weight gradually disappear until your brain begs you for a couple of days off. Then, you gain back five pounds because you just HAD to go to Taco Bell the day after having the prime rib special.
And, YEAH, I KNOW it's a matter of willpower, and mine's always been weak. I'm working on that. That's not the point.
Okay, so what IS the point?
Simple.
I have reached a point where I would do ANYTHING for my wife to be a mother. I'm serious. We attended all the meetings and gained our foster parenting license in the state of Illinois about three years ago. How many times have we actually gotten to take in kids? Twice. The first time was a nightmare. The second? It was too, but in the "rip-out-your-heart-and-hold-it-up-in-front-of-you" way.
You've probably been screaming at the screen: WELL, JUST ADOPT, FAT MAN!!!!
Um.....fucking DUH! Working on it. We've put out applications and "scrapbooks" and written checks to a couple of different places, only to find out that while our books are being read, we're not getting picked.
Nice.
So, what now?
Here's the thing: I'm not putting all of this in print because I'm looking for your sympathy. In fact, I'd appreciate it if you didn't feel sorry for us. Trust me, we go through it enough on our own to last several lifetimes. Besides, if I hear another person say that "God has a plan for you" or "It'll happen when it's meant to happen", I'm punching them in the fucking throat.
And, don't get me wrong, I KNOW it's coming from a sincere place when you say it. I get that. The problem is that, if you look at those comments logically, they're actually more depressing than uplifting. I mean, there are people out there who can pop out a kid virtually on-demand, but we can't have one. There are people out there who have children they don't want, don't take care of, and abuse the shit out of, and two people who would cherish a child like it was made of gold can't have one.
Sorry, but if God has a plan, it sucks to this point.
And, "It'll happen when it's meant to happen"? Seriously?
So, what, then? Am I just going to keep bitching until I turn blue in the face? Am I going to give up on the diet, fall off the wagon, and decide I don't give a shit anymore?
Of course not. Those who know me best know that while I might be down, I'm never out. I WILL get off the mat.
I do feel for my wife, however. While I can't appreciate all of her feelings, I do understand what it's like to really want something for yourself, not be able to have it, and see others who have it and don't appreciate it. And, it sucks. Big, round, hairy donkey balls.
So, for now, I ask for one thing from you, dear reader, regardless of where in the US (or the world, for that matter) you happen to be reading this:
On my Facebook page (Wayne Davis) I have a flyer Jen and I put together about a year ago to hang up at various places around Granite City.
What I ask you to do is make a single copy and put it somewhere where you think it might help. Or, if you know of someone who's looking to put a baby (or a toddler, for that matter) up for adoption, point them in our direction.
Okay, actually I've got two favors, and the second is this:
Don't feel sorry for us. Regardless of what happens, we WILL get through this.
Of course, we might just turn into the weird dog people with 100 dogs in our house, but we WILL get through this.
Yeah, okay. I'll admit I stole the title for my blog from Chris Farley. If you know me, you know I'm like that: I'll find a good idea and rip the sumbitch off in a heartbeat. However, I also did it because my wife absolutely LOVES Farley, and would probably be chasing him all over the world to marry him if he were still around (and, of course, if she weren't married to me.)
After years of thinking about it, I've finally decided to take the plunge and crank out a blog. Why? Because in the twenty-year process of putting together the material that forms the book I'm STILL writing, I've often found myself with short stories, jokes, and other stuff that doesn't fit the story filling up valuable space in my (all-too-small) brain. So, I've decided to put together a place to drop these little nuggets of crap (I mean WISDOM and ENTERTAINMENT) on you.
Since this is my first post, let me put out the following "rules" I intend to follow:
1. I'll post whenever the hell I feel like it. I might do five posts in a day, then nothing for a month. Those of you who are creative folks know how it works. Those of you who join me regularly (once this baby's regular) will get the hang of my tardiness.
2. If profanity offends you, THIS AIN'T YOUR BLOG!!!! As much as I'll appreciate you following me, if you're gonna waste time chastising me about my use of language, you're wasting the energy you used to type. This is my space (not MySpace) to put my thoughts out there, and I'm sure as hell not gonna edit my thoughts to be "family friendly". If you're worried about your kids reading shit they shouldn't, use the content blocker on your computer or install a better one.
3. If all you're reading this blog for is to rip my writing, piss off and find something better to do with your time, you wanker. First off, I give less than a shit about your negativity, and unless your criticism is constructive, you're about as helpful as reading glasses to Stevie Wonder. (And, if that analogy offended, piss off!)
4. I'm all for a constructive flow of thoughts. You have an opinion about something I've written? I'm all for discussing it. I'm just begging you to have an opinion before you open your metaphorical pie hole and start ripping me a new one. Also, you have to remember that this IS a two-way street: you start the discussion, I'll get involved.
5. Some of my posts are going to be free-flow thoughts about stuff going on in my life. For me, writing is a form of therapy, and I like it better than paying Dr. Scratch-N-Sniff the $50 copay to have him tell me I'm fat, stressed out, and not prepared to be a parent (speaking of people in the wanker category.....). If that bores you, I'm okay with that. I know I'll post something later that's more your style.
6. However, some of my posts are going to be original works of fiction, both by myself and from friends of mine who are trying to get their works published. By all means, read them and (hopefully) enjoy them. But, if you get some bright idea to rip us off and claim it as your own, understand that I WILL use all legal means at my disposal to come after you, and I get real pissy when people mess with my creations.
With that said, the only other "rule" I have is this:
7. THE FAT MAN'S GOLDEN RULE: We don't hate on this site. By that, I mean you need to keep your racist, homophobic, sexist bullshit to yourself. I'm also not a fan of the word "retarded" or variations thereof, so don't drop that hate on here, either. I don't believe in hate based on someone's race, religion, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, or mental disabilities. If you do, we can still talk, but keep the hate-based shit to yourself, 'cause I don't want to hear it. Got it?
Now, all of that being said, if I'm being self-deprecating, I'll read the comments about it. Sounds like a double-standard, I know, but I figure if I'm pointing out my shortcomings, I'm leaving somebody else alone. Besides, if you can't have fun at your own expense, you've seriously got to get a fucking life.
I figure that if Gabriel Iglesias can do it, so can I. Of course, he makes a SHITLOAD more money doing it than I do, but, what the hell. Right?
After years of thinking about it, I've finally decided to take the plunge and crank out a blog. Why? Because in the twenty-year process of putting together the material that forms the book I'm STILL writing, I've often found myself with short stories, jokes, and other stuff that doesn't fit the story filling up valuable space in my (all-too-small) brain. So, I've decided to put together a place to drop these little nuggets of crap (I mean WISDOM and ENTERTAINMENT) on you.
Since this is my first post, let me put out the following "rules" I intend to follow:
1. I'll post whenever the hell I feel like it. I might do five posts in a day, then nothing for a month. Those of you who are creative folks know how it works. Those of you who join me regularly (once this baby's regular) will get the hang of my tardiness.
2. If profanity offends you, THIS AIN'T YOUR BLOG!!!! As much as I'll appreciate you following me, if you're gonna waste time chastising me about my use of language, you're wasting the energy you used to type. This is my space (not MySpace) to put my thoughts out there, and I'm sure as hell not gonna edit my thoughts to be "family friendly". If you're worried about your kids reading shit they shouldn't, use the content blocker on your computer or install a better one.
3. If all you're reading this blog for is to rip my writing, piss off and find something better to do with your time, you wanker. First off, I give less than a shit about your negativity, and unless your criticism is constructive, you're about as helpful as reading glasses to Stevie Wonder. (And, if that analogy offended, piss off!)
4. I'm all for a constructive flow of thoughts. You have an opinion about something I've written? I'm all for discussing it. I'm just begging you to have an opinion before you open your metaphorical pie hole and start ripping me a new one. Also, you have to remember that this IS a two-way street: you start the discussion, I'll get involved.
5. Some of my posts are going to be free-flow thoughts about stuff going on in my life. For me, writing is a form of therapy, and I like it better than paying Dr. Scratch-N-Sniff the $50 copay to have him tell me I'm fat, stressed out, and not prepared to be a parent (speaking of people in the wanker category.....). If that bores you, I'm okay with that. I know I'll post something later that's more your style.
6. However, some of my posts are going to be original works of fiction, both by myself and from friends of mine who are trying to get their works published. By all means, read them and (hopefully) enjoy them. But, if you get some bright idea to rip us off and claim it as your own, understand that I WILL use all legal means at my disposal to come after you, and I get real pissy when people mess with my creations.
With that said, the only other "rule" I have is this:
7. THE FAT MAN'S GOLDEN RULE: We don't hate on this site. By that, I mean you need to keep your racist, homophobic, sexist bullshit to yourself. I'm also not a fan of the word "retarded" or variations thereof, so don't drop that hate on here, either. I don't believe in hate based on someone's race, religion, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, or mental disabilities. If you do, we can still talk, but keep the hate-based shit to yourself, 'cause I don't want to hear it. Got it?
Now, all of that being said, if I'm being self-deprecating, I'll read the comments about it. Sounds like a double-standard, I know, but I figure if I'm pointing out my shortcomings, I'm leaving somebody else alone. Besides, if you can't have fun at your own expense, you've seriously got to get a fucking life.
I figure that if Gabriel Iglesias can do it, so can I. Of course, he makes a SHITLOAD more money doing it than I do, but, what the hell. Right?
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