About freedoms and responsibilities......

Let me begin this entry with an admission.....

I don't hunt.  It's not that I don't like it, it's just that I don't have the patience to sit in the woods and wait for something to come to me in order to shoot it.  I have friends and family members who hunt and do it well, as well as responsibly, and I have nothing but respect for their ability to do so.

For them, it's about more than just the hunt.  It's about the peace and calm of being in the outdoors, which is why they can keep dragging themselves out there time and time again, regardless of whether or not they succeed in their mission to bring home the game.

So, I just want to make it very clear that I am PRO hunting.

Let me also throw out a second admission....

I do NOT watch reality television, and I don't for the very simple reason that most reality television isn't real.  If it's not scripted in the truest sense, then it's "organized" into some way to get the shots that will garner maximum ratings.  That's not reality, and that's why I'm not a fan.

Okay, now that I've got that out of the way, let's jump into the discussion of the 800 pound gorilla in the room and talk about the much-embattled Phil Robertson.

By this point, I shouldn't have to give you any background on him, but I will anyway for those who might not be aware.  Phil and his family are the owners of the Duck Commander line of duck calls and other hunting gear.  They are also the subject of the show Duck Dynasty on the A&E network.

As you know, Phil's come under fire for his comments in the January issue of GQ magazine.  Those comments are considered by many to be extremely homophobic and hateful, and have led A&E to suspend Phil from taping of the upcoming season of the show "indefinitely".  That suspension has led to an outcry from those who believe he's being wrongfully persecuted for speaking his opinion, and put A&E into a very unenviable position.

There's something controversial out there?  Guess we better break it down and screw up the outrage by injecting some logic into the argument.  Sounds just like the pot of shit I like to keep stirring up.

First things first:  If you have an opinion about this situation and HAVEN'T read the GQ article, shut the fuck up until you have.  It's available online at gq.com, and I read it twice before I wrote this.

I'll wait for you while you go back and give it a gander.

(insert music from Metallica's S&M album here while we wait)

Okay.  Now that we've done that, let me start by pointing out the contradiction of having someone like Phil, who has a "no swearing" policy for his business and his show, doing an interview with a reporter who repeatedly uses the words "shit" and "fuck" in his article.  Smells a bit like a set-up to me, but maybe I'm just reading too much into it.

Phil is quoted, in no uncertain terms, about his beliefs concerning what is considered sin, and his comments are definitely, to someone like myself, very homophobic and borderline hateful.

That being said, I completely agree with those who are pissed off that Phil's being dumped on for speaking his opinion.  Phil and the rest of his family are paid a good sum of money to travel around the country and help spread the gospel to those who want to hear what they have to say, and if you've read or viewed many interviews with Phil, you can see why.  He has an ability to distill the Bible into a form that's easily understood by all.  On top of that, there can be no doubt that he believes whole-heartedly in the Bible as the word of God, and that we should follow it in order to have a more perfect society.

I have no problem with Phil speaking his mind.  I don't AGREE with a lot of what he says, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have the right to say it.  That's the beauty of living in America:  we have the freedom of speech that allows for us to say things that other people may not like.

Hell, I know I've written shit on this blog that others haven't liked or agreed with, but I keep writing because I know I can.  Plus, I take the opportunity to listen to my critics, because understanding where they're coming from helps me in understanding my own position.

Now, in this case, I think the reporter from GQ tried to have it both ways.  I really feel like he tried to allow Phil to speak his point AND frame it in a way that made his (the reporter's) own opinions have the same level of merit.  Normally, I wouldn't have a problem with this.  In this case, however, I get the feeling the reporter sort of set Phil up to take a hit, and I don't like that at all.

That's not to say I believe people who don't agree with Phil shouldn't have the right to be pissed at him.  Of course they do.  After all, when you're in the public eye, which Phil and his family are, you open yourself up to that, and if you can't handle what gets thrown at you then you should consider getting OUT of the public eye.

Okay, since I've spent time talking about Phil, let's look at the folks from A&E, who seem to be trying to brace for the full impact of the backlash that's been washing over them.

My thoughts on them aren't going to be popular with many, but here they are:

I completely support A&E in their decision to suspend Phil Robertson over the article.

Why?  It's simple, really.

A&E, as a company, has the right to discipline any of their employees (Phil in this case) for actions taken that go against the philosophy of the company.

In other words, even though Phil was speaking his own opinion, the company has the right to defend itself against speech that goes against its own beliefs.

It happens all the time in the "normal" business world.  Why the hell should Phil Robertson get a pass just because he's a celebrity?  And, honestly, how can Paula Deen be vilified for the things she said that people didn't agree with and Phil NOT be?

He can't, and that's why they did it.

Now, before you start coming at me with the torches, understand something.....

When you sign on to work in radio, television, movies, or ANY entertainment business, you sign a contract.  And, as my friends who've spent any time in the entertainment business can attest to, these contracts usually contain a clause that holds you to a certain standard.  In other words, the clause states that you won't say or do anything that could potentially make your employer look bad.

I signed contracts with that clause in it when I worked in radio, and it was made very clear when I'd crossed the line.  Trust me, it doesn't take too many drunken karaoke nights in a college town to get you called on the carpet for behavior that goes against the clause in your contract, and I paid the price a couple of times before I finally just admitted that it was easier to obey the contract than to lose the cash. 

Now, I can't say for sure that Phil HAD a clause like that for Duck Dynasty, but I'd have to believe that the network put SOMETHING in there that was close.  And, Phil can't claim he didn't know how the network felt, as there's been issues before with certain things being edited out of the shows that A&E didn't want said, usually of a religious nature.  So, if he tries to claim ignorance of where A&E stands, he's only fooling himself.

So, what we have here, in my opinion, is a cluster fuck that doesn't seem to have any chance of clearing up in the near future.

However, if you've read the article like I did, you should have noticed something else, and I'll mention it here just because I want to keep the shit stirred up a bit.....

In the article, Phil talks about the end of the show, specifically mentioning that he knows it can't last forever.  This has led some to speculate, and I think they may have a point, that Phil made the comments he made in the interview intentionally, KNOWING A&E would be pissed off and assuming they'd take some sort of action against him that would allow he and his family to get out of the deal with the network and get the show off the air.  Don't think for a second that he isn't smart enough to think of it.  He, like his children, is a college educated man and is very sharp on the uptake.  It's also been revealed in other interviews that he's tired of the pressure and attention the show has placed on him, and he's mentioned in the past that he's looking forward to the end of it.

I'm not saying he did it INTENTIONALLY, but it would make sense if he did.  I mean, this gives him a way to get off the show without having to catch hell from the fans, since A&E would take the blame.

Pretty smart, if that's the plan.

Oh, and I wouldn't feel sorry for them if they lose/leave the show.  They've made a fortune off their Duck Commander empire and will continue to do so with or without the show.

Trust me.  They'll be just fine.

But, hey....it's just one man's opinion, and it's always open to debate.

The Fat Guy

An admission of total Whovian geekdom.....

Okay, I've admitted a thousand times since I started this blog that I am, without apology, a big friggin' geek.  I love Star Wars, Star Trek, The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings.  I play Dungeons and Dragons and other role playing games.  I own an Xbox 360 and a Wii, and love playing video games.

Don't like it?  Don't care.

For all of my geekdom loves, one of the largest sci-fi/fantasy franchises in history had managed to NOT be a part of my viewing habits for a very long time.

See, up until about a month ago, I'd never really gotten into Doctor Who. 

*Gasp*

Let me explain.  As a kid, I didn't get the subtleties of British television.  Too dry.  And, when I'd tried as a kid to watch Doctor Who when it played on our PBS station, it didn't ring with the same excitement as Star Wars or Star Trek.

So, I let it go.

However, when I heard about all the festivities around Doctor Who selecting a new Doctor and preparing for the 50th anniversary special, I decided that I needed to check this show out.

And.....

I like it. 

Now, I've gone back and watched some of the shows from the "classic" era and STILL feel the way I did before.  BUT, starting with the first series of the "new" era (which star Christopher Eccleston as the Doctor), I found myself enthralled.  So much so that I made it a point to record all of the episodes from BBC America as they showed.

Then I realized that, as an Amazon Prime customer, I can watch the first 6 seasons for free.

Nice.

For those of you who are fans, I don't have to convince you that the show's worth watching.

For those who aren't, might I suggest you watch the upcoming Christmas special.  You'll be a bit behind, as the episode will wrap up four years worth of storylines as the series shifts from one lead to a new one, but the excitement level should be enough to get you intrigued.

And that, my friends, is how an obsession is born.

The Fat Guy

Why ARE there so many different versions of the Bible????

I've been studying religion a bit lately.  Mostly because the Vatican and the Catholic faith play a part in the book I recently finished and will continue to play a part as I write more books in the series, but also because I am fascinated by the beliefs of various cultures, my own included.

In addition to reading the Bible for the umpteenth time (and, yes, I DO own a Bible.  It was a gift from my Aunt Mary many years ago, and I will treasure it for the rest of my life), I've taken to watching shows where varying theories about the writing and translating of the Bible are debated.  From all of that, I had a question:

If the Bible is the word of God, why are there so many different versions of it?

If you think this is some sort of sick joke by the fat guy, open another browser tab, go to Amazon, and search for Bibles.

Go ahead.  I'll wait for a minute...........

See what I mean?  There's literally dozens of different versions of the Bible out there.  And while they all tell the same basic story, if you break them down, you'll notice differences between all of them.

In other words, they don't tell the story the same way.

Worse still, some versions leave out events that other versions have kept in.

So, I'll ask again....

If the Bible is the word of God, why are there so many different versions of it?

The only answer that I can come up with, and I know some of you will disagree with it, is that the Bible ISN'T the word of God.  Instead, it's the word of man trying to interpret what God intended for us to know.

For me, it's not really much of a stretch to believe that.  The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls showed us that there were passages in the earliest versions of the Bible that haven't been used in centuries.  If that's the case, then why do we, as the faithful, hold tightly to the belief that the Bible is truly the word of God?  How could an editor just cut out the sacred words of the creator?

The fact of the matter, to me, is that they couldn't, which only proves my point.

I mean, look at it like this:  there wasn't a human being present at the creation.  We know this.  So, how do we have such a descriptive account of what happened?  There's no film we can go back and look at for it.  No newspaper accounts.  No hieroglyphics on a pyramid.  Nothing.

The creation is something believers take on faith.  And, by the way, I'm not arguing with having faith.  In and of itself, I believe faith to be a very good and very positive thing.

I take issue with those who would choose to beat me over the head with their Bible and tell me that it is the ultimate word, and if I don't believe wholeheartedly in it, I'm going directly to Hell.

Why am I such a killjoy when it comes to this most holy of texts?  Because if you look at some of the history concerning it, Catholic officials made me that way.

How so?

Well, let's look at the very beginnings of the Catholic church.  We know of the existence of verses that are believed to be the "banned" verses of the Bible, which would be verses that either were written at the same time and weren't utilized, or were purged from the text at the very creation of the church.  Either way, one has to wonder why those verses weren't allowed to see the light of day while those that did made the cut.  In my opinion, it's the first instance of the church editing the word to suit their own needs.

"Right", you're thinking.  "The church just picks and chooses what it wants us to know."

Okay, here's something else.

The final book of the New Testament, in the oldest Codex version known, only had eight verses.  If you look at it now, it has way more than that.  How's that possible?  To answer that, you have to first understand that Catholics were the first group to write their scripture into books, known as codexes, to read.  For the longest time, that's how you knew the difference between Christian and Jewish texts:  Christian texts were in a Codex, Jewish texts were on scrolls.  Anyway, the Codex in question ends after the women go to the tomb of Christ and realize he's not there.  It specifically ends after stating they returned to town and said nothing, for they were scared.

That's it.  Nothing more.

So, how did more verses get written?  According to religious scholars, at some point, someone who was doing a translation of the text apparently didn't like the ending, and wrote several more verses to "finish" the New Testament.

Hey, I can't make this stuff up.  I've researched that Codex myself, and what I've reported seems kosher.

You want another example?

As we know, the earliest versions of the Bible were written in a combination of Hebrew and Aramaic, and were translated into Greek.  The problem is that when translating from Hebrew and Aramaic to Greek, some words got altered in the translation.  A prime example of that is the Virgin birth.  In the original Aramaic, it merely states that Mary was of child bearing age.  Somehow, that got translated to her being a Virgin, and therefore a Virgin birth.  Controversial, I know, but knowing how often texts get messed up when translating, it's not hard to believe.  When you take into account that a virgin birth feeds directly into the mythos that the Catholic church of the time wanted, there's no need to go back and make changes, and by this point in time, it's such an accepted part of the faith, it's considered heretical to even THINK about changing it.  And, I don't think I would anyway.  It's a much more interesting story the way it is.

One more thing, while I'm setting up my own burn pile for Hell.....

The Catholic church once burned individuals as heretics for translating the Bible into English.

I'm serious.

Why would they do that?

Think about it.....After Greek, the texts were then translated into the Latin that so many Catholics have come to love and loathe.  Latin was, for a very long time, the language of the educated, and in most cases that meant the clergy.  So, if you have the religious texts in a language that only the clergy can read, there can be no questioning of what they're saying.  Translate it into the language of the masses, however, and you now leave the church in a position to be questioned concerning its interpretation of the text.

Oh...and who can we thank for having the Bible translated into English?

Henry VIII.  He did it when he broke away from the Catholic church to form the Church of England.  We can also thank the Protestants, because they believed from the very beginning that the Bible MUST be made available to ALL, not just a select few.

So, what does that mean for you?

Honestly, if you're a true believer, it shouldn't mean a thing.  At it's core, Christianity is the belief that God is the creator who created us in His image, and gave us his only Son to die for our sins.  For me, it really translates into this:

Spend your time being the best possible person you can.  Treat others the way you want to be treated, and don't worry about your shortcomings.  Learn from them.  Better yourself.  Pay it forward. 

To me, that's what it's all about.  The rest are words.  Good words, I'll grant you, but words none the less.

And faith, for me, is about what's in your heart, not what's on the written page.  That's why I've made it a hobby study different religions and try to understand what others believe.  And, you know what I've found?  This might shock you.......

Pretty much every human being on the planet with faith believes in basically the same thing:

There is a creator who made us and guides our lives, albeit in a subtle way.  We are tasked with being the best we can possibly be, and those who do so will have their lives enriched in wonderful ways, while those who do not will be unhappy and live unfulfilled lives.

Not a bad way to live your life, if you ask me.

The Fat Guy

Bullying and the Professional Athlete....

Okay, let me set this up by stating the obvious:  I've never been a professional athlete.  Hell, other than intramurals at CMSU, I haven't participated in any sort of organized sports since I was a Sophomore in high school....all those years ago.

That being said, I'm going to weigh in on the recent "hot topic" issue of bullying in professional sports that came to light because of the issues with Jonathan Martin and Ritchie Incognito of the Miami Dolphins.  I intentionally waited to write something about it until now because I knew when this broke and still believe now that we do NOT know everything that happened in this situation, and I still think something's going to come to light that will shift the direction of the entire story.

For those who don't know, Jonathan Martin, a second year offensive lineman for the Dolphins, walked out of the team facility and left the team about a month ago after an incident in the lunch room.  He later claimed that he'd been bullied relentlessly for a year and a half by the offensive linemen on the team, and provided texts and a voicemail from Ritchie Incognito that support his case.  The evidence, by the way, reads as very racist, bullying language on the part of Incognito, and he's been punished by the team by being suspended indefinitely without pay.

The responses from the Dolphins have been as interesting as they are confusing, while the rest of organized sports have responded pretty much in the way I would have expected them to, which was to say that while hazing is in and of itself okay, they would have NEVER let it get to the level the Dolphins apparently did.  The Dolphins players, on the other hand, seem to be supporting Incognito, and have made it known, albeit in a veiled way, that Martin will not be welcomed back to the team after this incident.

What the hell happened here?  These are grown men who get paid lots of money to play a game.  I'll grant you that it's a violent game with a short career expectancy, but it's still a game these dudes play for money.  How did it get to this point?

Let me start with the beginning of the issue, then work my way out.

Hazing is a long practiced expectation of the professional locker room.  Hell, if you've ever watched a season of the long-running program Inside Training Camp that follows an NFL team through it's preseason, you've seen rookies get taped to goal posts, taped up and thrown into ice baths, and expected to pay for and deliver food to the veterans.  These incidents are presented in a very matter-of-fact way, and the rookies in question, for the most part, don't protest the treatment.  They understand that there's a certain expectation made of rookies, and they understand that they're expected to take what comes, roll with it, and move on to being a valued member of the team.

Now, if you think it only happens in locker rooms, let me hip you to something:  Hazing Happens Everywhere.

I'm serious.

You think I'm kidding?  Think back to when you were the new guy on your job.  Did you wind up getting the bulk of the "shit jobs"?  Did your co-workers tell you it was because you were the "new guy", and they reminded you they'd had to do them when THEY were new?

Guess what?  You've been hazed.

Now, I'll grant you that typing reports for the senior members of your staff or being the designated errand runner isn't quite the same as having yourself taped to a goal post and having sports drink dumped over your body, but it has the same effect:  you're put through the fire to test how you react, and those who can roll with it are the ones who eventually succeed and earn the respect of the veterans.

I've heard stories of members of our military who've hazed and been hazed, as well as those in the trades.  Hell, I remember when I was a Boy Scout, we'd have the new kids go Snipe hunting on our first campout.  The guys who'd try to call us out on it would be the ones who got the most abuse, while the ones who actually went looking for a Snipe would just get laughed at.

It's the same thing, gang.  It's just a different environment.

And let me tell you something else:  Hazing is okay. 

It is, when it's doesn't go too far.  Hazing, when it's done in fun, can be a team building exercise all its own.  The strength of character and bonding that occurs from it happens faster than almost any other team building exercises I've ever studied or been involved in, and I've been through a lot of them.

So, where the hell did this one go wrong?  And, more to the point, who's to blame?

While we don't know the whole story yet, the first question can be answered pretty simply:

Jonathan Martin, in his mind, believed someone was going too far for too long, and decided to blow the whistle on everything.

The second question, while easier to answer, is a bit more complicated.

Everybody's to blame on this one.  Even Jonathan Martin.

"How can that be?", you ask.  "He's the one who got abused.  How can he be at fault?"

Simple.  According to everything we know about the situation, he NEVER told any of the coaches or members of management about what was going on or about his feelings towards it.  Nothing that has been revealed to this point indicates that he even tried to.

To me, that's what puts him at fault in this situation.  I'm not saying he had to be a tattle-tale, running to the coaches for every perceived slight, but if he truly felt like he was being pushed to the breaking point, he owed it to himself and his teammates to go to SOMEONE on the team in a position of authority and report what the issue was.

Now, it may very well be that he didn't do it because he didn't believe he could trust any of them, and if that's the case, heads should be rolling throughout the organization.  That's where I think the coaching staff and management of the Dolphins is to blame.

According to several published reports, the Dolphins coaching staff instructed Incognito to "toughen up" Martin.  Okay, let's break that down a little bit, shall we?  We're talking about a six-foot plus, three hundred pound plus, professional offensive lineman here.  It's pretty obvious to me they didn't mean for Incognito to toughen him up physically, so it tells me they believed he was "soft" mentally.

Now, exactly what the hell does THAT mean?  My guess is that they (the coaches) didn't believe he had enough of the "killer instinct" needed to, in their eyes, succeed in the NFL.  That's about the only thing I believe Incognito would be capable of even attempting to help Martin with, since I'm surprised the guy's smart enough to tie his own shoes. (Incognito, not Martin.  Martin's a pretty damned smart cookie.)

If that's the case, it speaks to the savage mentality still present in the professional game.  It's been believed for a very long time that if you don't have the killer instinct, you're dead meat.  Now, like I said, I never played in college or the pros, so I don't have a clue as to whether or not that's the case.  What I DO know is that if you don't love your sport and place it above everything else in your life, there's no way in Hell you'll make it to that higher level.  That, besides an obvious lack of any sort of athletic talent, is why I was a football manager my junior and senior years of high school instead of a player.  While I LOVED the game, I didn't love it with the intensity needed to make it the primary focus of my life.  And, honestly, I have no regrets about that.  My knees and back are bad enough as it is.  I can't imaging how jacked up they'd be if I'd kept playing any longer than I did. 

On top of the "toughening up" order to Incognito, the fact that Martin didn't go to management with his concerns opens up another possibility:  he didn't believe they would help him.  That's another problem.  If you've got players on your team who don't believe they can come to you with their problems, you're in danger of possibly losing your team.  Think about it like this:  who were the best bosses you've ever had?  Weren't they the ones who cared about YOU, the individual, instead of YOU, the number?  Of course they were.  Same principle in the locker room.  You have to believe that there's SOMEONE there you can trust.  If you don't have that, the situation's screwed, and there's no coming back from it.

Like I said at the top:  we're nowhere NEAR the end of this story yet.  In my gut, I know something's coming that will finally, hopefully, shed a little more light on just what the hell went wrong.

Until then, I blame everybody, because everybody's to blame. 

The Fat Guy

It's Been Two Months???? AGAIN????

Shit.

Well, sorry.  I figured once Jen and I got over having the most adorable little baby I've ever laid eyes taken out of our home (we were fostering and she was returned to her biological father), I'd be updating ye olde blog a bit more often.

For whatever reason, that just hasn't been happening.

But, I'm here (and so are you, obviously), so let's see what's been going on lately, shall we?  By the way, I've got two more big posts coming today, so there will be a couple of things that don't make this list because I'm gonna gab about them some more later.

1.  (and it pains me to say this) Big time congrats to the Boston Red Sox for taking out my beloved Cardinals.  They did what the Birds had done all year long:  timely hitting, great pitching, no mistakes.  Give them credit:  they WON the damn thing.

2.  However, I get to say for the gazillianth fucking time how much I HATED those damned beards.  I just wanted to run out on the field with a straight razor and a bottle of friggin' Nair.  No shit.

3.  Been playing Assassin's Creed IV:  Black Flag.  Not a bad game, but I think they're starting to get a little lazy.  Not to ruin it, but while it's cool to be a pirate the way they've got it set up, part of me feels like they were just going through the motions, and those motions mimicked jerking off.

4.  I hear on the old interwebs that Lawrence Kasdan has been recruited (read:  Shanghaied) into coming aboard to do a rewrite of Star Wars:  Episode 7.  Don't know how I feel about that yet, but I was stoked when I heard J.J. Abrams was directing.  If you don't think he can do wonders for the old franchise, just look at the two Star Trek movies he's directed.

5.  On that note, I JUST got around to watching Star Trek Into Darkness yesterday.  Good flick.  A bit predictable, but what the hell.  I just hope Abrams loses the lens flares for Star Wars.

Know what?  I'm stopping at five because I've got two more posts to write.  Catch you then.

The Fat Guy

Dealing...Coping....Something like that.

So, I know over the past nine weeks or so, I've been virtually absent from this here little blog.  The reason for that is for eight of those nine weeks, my wife and I were blessed to be the foster parents of a beautiful little newborn baby girl.  A week ago today, she was placed with her biological father, and we've both spent the last seven days trying to cope with emotions we thought we'd buried a year ago, when something very similar had happened.

Before I continue, a little bit of history is necessary for those not in the know:

One year ago, my wife and I became foster parents to a newborn baby girl, who was only two days old at the time.  Our case manager at the time told us then that the placement would "definitely be long term", adding that "you'll probably wind up getting to try for custody of her."  We were, as you'd expect, over the moon with happiness.  So, over the next nine weeks, we cared for that little girl as if she were our own, because, even though one should always remember that the ultimate goal of the foster care system is to place children back with their biological parents, we'd been basically assured we'd be keeping her.  Needless to say, it didn't work out that way.  I won't get into all the details here, but I WILL say that the circumstances behind her departure, while legal, weren't exactly above board, and they definitely changed my opinion of judges and lawyers forever.

That loss was a near-devastating one, especially for my wife.  It took a long time to get over losing her, and we'd begun to act as if we'd never get another child.  So, needless to say, one year to the day later, when we got the call for another two day old baby, we were excited, but very cautious.  Our new case manager, to her credit, made it very clear from day 1 that there was a DNA test coming up with someone claiming to be the biological father, and if it proved a match, she'd be going to him.

Long story short, it was, and she did.  While I'm sad to see her go, I have to admit that this situation wasn't nearly as devastating for me as the previous one.  Why?  Two main reasons:

1.  Our case manager was very up-front with us.  She didn't try to lead us down the primrose path.  She laid out the situation for us with as much detail as she could legally provide us, and tried her best to keep us in the loop throughout the process. 

2.  How can I be mad at a young man (the biological father is in his twenties) who voluntarily chooses to step forward and WANT to be a father to his child?  I'm the one who usually bitches that there are far too many "baby daddies" and not enough fathers out there, so I have to give props to a guy who's doing the right thing. 

Don't get me wrong:  it sucks that she had to leave.  I spent eight weeks getting very attached to her, and a part of me is empty because of her departure.  However, I can also say, without being full of shit, that I'm better for the time I had with her.

I've also been trying to make things easier on my wife, who as I said before took it harder than she thought she would.  In three days, I managed to cross off four items on my massive "honey-do" list, as well as convert the nursery into a very nice study area for her, since she needs to study on Sundays and I like watching a lot of football.

So, that's where I've been, and why I haven't checked in as much as I swore I would.  My intentions are to be back posting at least once a week from this point forward, though I'll admit that if/when we get another foster child, you won't see a whole hell of a lot of me.

Before then, though, I do have a piece of fiction I've been working on that should get posted in the next week or so.  I've got a chapter of it finished, and I thought I'd post it here to get everyone's thoughts on whether or not it would make a decent book or not.  No, it's NOT the book I've spent nearly twenty years working on, and is currently in the editing stages.  You'll have to wait for it to be formally published if you want to read it.  This new idea is one that came to me over the past two weeks, and I've been fleshing it out as time has permitted.

One more thing....

I didn't write this post in an attempt to fish for sympathy.  I've heard all the sympathetic comments I can take, and while I understand they come from the heart, most of them actually hurt to hear.  I wrote this post as both an explanation of where I've been AND as therapy for myself, as I've found writing to be a great outlet for my emotions, regardless of their source.

What I DO hope is that you find my words at least somewhat interesting to read, and that they make you want to read more of my ramblings in the future.

Thanks to all of you who follow this blog.  If you like it, do me a favor and recommend it to others. 

You might want to warn them, though, that MOST of my blogs contain way more expletives than this one.  :-)

The Fat Guy

Twerking? Don't you mean making an ass out of herself???

Okay....I'll admit right up front that I didn't watch the VMA awards this year.  Or last year.  Hell, I haven't watched the VMA's in probably 15 years.  Has something to do with the fact that I can't STAND most of the crap that gets called "music" these days.  (Shit.....Starting to sound like my dad.)

That being said, when I heard about the deal with Miley Cyrus, I made it a point to head over to YouTube and check out her "performance". 

I find it interesting that so many people are so outraged by this.  I'm not saying people shouldn't have a thought or an opinion.  I'm just saying I found myself laughing AT her during the whole thing.

Let me explain......

In my opinion, she's doing everything she can to shed her whole "Hannah Montana/good little girl" image, and she's willing to do or say whatever it takes to do so.  Now, I totally get wanting to be seen as a grown-up, and it's something quite a few child stars have had issues with over the years.  Gary Coleman or Lindsey Lohan, anyone?

But, for every Lohan, there's an Anne Hathaway, who shows you CAN transition from the kid-friendly stuff to roles with adult substance WITHOUT whoring yourself out in the process.  And, YES, I know Anne showed her boobs in two movies during her transition, but she didn't do the whole "look at how fucking bad-ass adult I am" thing in public.  A little nudity in the right type of movie is okay.  Doing the old bump and grind on Robin Thicke on stage at the VMA's definitely isn't.  And the whole thing with the foam finger?  Please.  Strippers around the world were rating her on how shitty that performance was. 

So, where does she go from here?  I mean, does she pull a 180 on her career and clean it up a little bit, or does she take that "next" step and wind up like Amanda Bynes? 

Hard to say, but if she were asking my opinion (which, of course, she isn't), here's what I'd suggest:

1.  Put on some clothes.  Madonna did the whole "running around on stage in your bra" thing a hell of a lot better than you did.  Put on some grown woman clothes and stop dressing like a two dollar whore.

2.  Stop trying to shock us.  You looked pathetic trying to do it, and it reeks of desperation.

3.  You want to prove you're a "grown-up" artist?  Prove to us you can sing songs with grown up issues in them.  Prove you've got the chops.  Then?  Prove you can fucking act, 'cause you sure as hell haven't done THAT yet either.

4.  Shut the hell up.  Period.  Stop talking to the media and waving your arms like an attention-starved little fucking brat.

That's it.  That's my advice.

Oh, and one more thing.....

There's a happy medium between the 'ho you acted like on Sunday night and being Taylor Swift, who is WAY too immature for my liking.  (After all, Taylor and Adele are the same age.  Who's the better artist?  Just saying.)  Figure out what it is, make a couple of mistakes (without showing your ass), and BE THAT.

By the way....anybody remember when MTV actually showed VIDEOS????

On Wedding Protocols (and other shit that came to mind)

Went to the wedding of the daughter of a co-worker who is also a close friend of my wife's.  I must admit that it was one hell of a shin-dig.  Nice service, pretty damned good food, and great conversation with friends.  And, for once, I managed to not get drunk and make a complete ASS out of myself.  *self high-five*

However, I once again witnessed a breach of wedding protocol that I feel the need to rant about on this here site....

Okay, if you're the parent of a baby/toddler, I can TOTALLY understand if you felt the need to bring the young one to the wedding.  Either you couldn't find a sitter OR you decided that this child HAD to be at this event (for whatever reason).  However, MUST you sit in the middle of the aisle and allow the child to rant, rave, cry, and otherwise disrupt the beauty of the service for the rest of us?
I would point out that social protocols in this case would dictate that you sit towards the rear of the church so that you can get out quickly if your child throws a hissy fit.  However, should you decide you need to be closer to the action (and I can understand that, believe it or not), at least do us a favor and sit near the end of the aisle so that you can actually get up and out if need be.  On that note, please GET UP AND TAKE THE KID OUT if they're starting to throw a fit.  I can speak from experience that merely handing the child to another family member or allowing them to play on the floor will, more often than not, NOT get them to calm down and be quiet, but rather get them MORE wound up than they already were, which, of course, makes them louder than they were prior. 

My point, dear readers, is this:  please think of EVERYONE at the service, not just yourself.  Thank you.

Okay, with that off my chest, onto some general thoughts I wanted to share....

-Been dieting for about a month and a half now, and have managed to carve 40 pounds off.  I'd say that's a hell of an accomplishment, but I still need to lose about 120 more pounds.  Shit.

-Still not anywhere NEAR finalizing the edits on my book, so you'll have to keep hearing me bitch about it.  Of course, if I'd actually WORK on it, it might get closer to being finished.  Just saying....

-What the hell happened to my Cardinals?  Since the All-Star break, they suck.  Sure, I can point to the loss of Yadier Molina for some of it, but, at some point SOMEBODY has to step up and be a leader, and right now I don't see one.  Kudos to the Royals, however, for going on a monumental win streak over the past 20 or so games.  Looking pretty damned good.

-Whilst we're on the subject of Cardinals, or ex-Cards at least, what the hell was Jack Clark thinking when he called out Albert Pujols on his radio show for using PED's?  I'm sure in Jack's mind, he has all the evidence he needs for that, but without hard proof, he left himself open to getting fired.  However, I would also point out that he swore up and down that Mark McGwire was using steroids long before Big Mac actually admitted it, so the guy DOES have a bit of a track record.  And, when you look at the types of injuries Pujols has suffered from over the past few years, Jack may have a point.  Albert MIGHT want to reconsider his legal action, since every skeleton in his closet WILL wind up coming out should he decide to press the issue.  If I'm him, be satisfied with Clark's dismissal from the radio and let it be.  Push the issue too far, and you could actually wind up making some sort of martyr out of Clark.

-As a fan of NCIS, I'm disappointed to see that Cote de Pablo (Ziva David) is leaving the show after the second episode of the upcoming season.  While I haven't yet seen anything that explains WHY she's leaving, after putting in eight solid seasons, I can certainly see why she might want to move on.  It just sucks for those of us who love the show and her character.  I just hope that the promised "wrap up" for her character is a good one, and that she doesn't wind up leaving the same way the last two regulars on the show did (if you don't know, you need to watch the show, player).

-On that same note, I'm disappointed to see that CBS chose NOT to go forward with the series NCIS:RED.  While I can understand not wanting to flood the market, it would have been wise to put a third series into production, since I'll lay even money NCIS has about two more seasons before Mark Harmon decides he's had enough, and those who know the show know it's done when he is.  But, based just on the "back-door pilot" they did with NCIS:LA, I can understand if they though the concept a little weak.  In my (amateur) opinion, they'd be better served to re-do the pilot as a genuine pilot episode, without having to run two shows worth of characters through the paces.  Maybe, just maybe, they'd have a better shot.

-Still got some "top secret" stuff going on at the house, and it kills me that I can't talk about it on the blog.  However, I'm very happy with what's up, and look forward to the opportunity to eventually (hopefully) tell all of you about it.

Until next time, I'm the Fat Guy, and I approved this message.

There's Times I Wonder If Jerking Off Would Have Been More Productive....

There's a fucking title for you, huh?

I'm out of the blogisphere for nearly a month, and the first thing I do when I get back is decide to get profane AND graphic?  Hells to the YEAH!

So, what's been going on that I need to get off my fat chest?

Well, first off, I finally finished writing my book, and thanks to my good friends Jan Cannon and Tracy Pashia, I've got two editors already taking my hack-job apart for me.  At some point, I'll figure out how I'm gonna publish, and then......

We'll try to take over the world, Pinky.

Of course, since I wrote the damned thing, you'd think I'd be editing.  Yeah, right.  Something else has come up that's taking up my time, but I'm not currently at liberty to discuss it in a social environment.  However, drop me an email and I'll gladly discuss, so long as you don't go posting shit on the interwebs.  Rules is rules, after all.

Plus, with what little free time I have----oh, who the fuck am I kidding.  I write while I'm at work----I'm writing the SECOND book in what I've already got lined out to be a four book series.  Can't help it.  Gotta strike while the iron's hot.

I'd love to be able to post a blog and bitch about the shortcomings of society, but I just don't have the energy today.  I really just wanted to put something out there because, dammit, I MISS you guys.

Okay, enough of the sappy shit.  Quit reading my ramblings and get on with your fucking life.

What the hell are you thinking????

No, seriously, I need to know what the hell everybody's thinking out there.  I realize I've been out of the blogisphere for about a month, but I keep checking my Facebook posts, and it would seem that some of you have gotten a bit unreasonable since the last time we met.

Time for a bit of a refresher.

Let's start with the recent good news, shall we?

I was both pleased and very surprised with the recent Supreme Court decisions that will help to further pave the way for legal recognition of same-sex marriage in our fair nation.  Goes to show that even the Fat Guy is wrong from time to time (though if you ask my wife, it's more often than I'd like to admit).  I honestly didn't think the court had the stones to do it.  I figured they'd throw Prop 8 back to the lower court, since that was the easiest (read:  Most Non-Political) move they could make, and that, of course, meant that Prop 8 got struck down.  However, I just figured that, knowing how this batch of conservatives rules, they'd figure out a way to hose same-sex couples that have been together for ages.  I'm perfectly pleased to be absolutely wrong.

Now, let me climb up on my soapbox and preach....um, I mean EXPLAIN a few things to some of you who apparently need it:

Federal recognition of same-sex marriage is coming, whether you like it or not.  Deal with it.  You can point to your Bible and tell me that it's a sin, and that it will lead to the crumbling of the traditional family, and that it will cause further decay of our national morals.  That's your opinion, and you're entitled to it.  However, I'm also entitled to tell you you're WAY off base.

"Really?", you say.  "But the Bible specifically says it's a sin."

Okay, let me go back and re-hash an argument I've brought up in the past, and let me see if I can make it clearer for you.....

The Bible has been used over the years to "justify" numerous instances of discrimination.  Supporters of slavery used to open their Bible and preach to anyone who would listen that the Bible specifically said that African-Americans were MEANT BY GOD (emphasis added by me) to be slaves, and, since it's in the Bible, that must make it okay.  When that didn't work, this same batch of bigots tried to convince us that the concept of marriage was between a man and a woman OF THE SAME RACE (again, I'm adding the emphasis), because the concept of interracial marriage was as foreign to them as a fungo to a Martian.

Hell, I'm even willing to go back to the Crusades, where the Pope himself said that the Bible said it was perfectly okay to go slaughter tons of "non-believers" (read:  non-Christians) in order to get the Holy Land back.

Again, you have the right to believe what you want.  Also again, I have the right to utilize logic, no matter how fuzzy you might think it is, to attempt to convince you that, morally, you're on the wrong side of history.

But, that's your choice.

Okay, enough of stirring up the religious pot.  Let me see how much shit I can cause in another area....

Paula Deen.

No shit.  I find it incredible that she's got as many supporters as she does after the way she's behaved over the past few weeks.  Hey look, I'll grant you that NOBODY should be persecuted for shit they said 20 years ago.  I believe, as most of us do, in giving someone the benefit of the doubt.  But, let us remember something......

This whole thing about her using racial slurs came because of her deposition in a case in which she's been accused of racial discrimination.  Also, by the way, it's not just her use of the dreaded and feared N-word, but other comments that she supposedly made.

Now that we've got the background, let me tell you where she went wrong.......

I posted this to Facebook earlier today, so I apologize if you're reading it for the second time, but, for me, it bears repeating.

Had Paula simply appeared on the Today show on the day she was originally scheduled to appear and acted like she was sincerely regretful, as well as show some sincere regret and/or an admission of understanding and knowledge that the way she acted was inappropriate, I don't think much of anything would have been done to her.  That goes back to my previous comment about Americans being a forgiving sort.  We'd have given her a second chance, pretty much no questions asked.

So, what did she do?

First, she cancelled that appearance at the last possible minute, giving a (in my opinion) extremely lame excuse.  If you're too broken up to go on the Today show, you sure as hell shouldn't post three videos of yourself online trying to explain your position.  And, before you comment that there were only two, pretty much every news source on the planet will confirm that there were three:  she deleted the first one before posting the other two.  That should tell you something about her state of mind at the time.

While we're at it, let's take a closer look at the videos, shall we?

Basically, she defended herself by claiming that she's "from the South", so that should make it okay.  She also showed zero remorse for being the way she was.  To her, it's all unfair persecution for things she did years ago.  Again, I refer you to the pending litigation and remind you that if she was being unfairly persecuted, her lawyers could have gotten the suit thrown out.  Tells me the judge thinks there might be something there.

Strike three for Paula was when she finally decided it was time to grace the Today show with her presence.  Her behavior wasn't a whole hell of a lot different from her video posts.  Again, she made it all about herself and how badly she's been treated, and blah blah blah.

Sorry.  That's NOT how you get forgiven in this society anymore.  You HAVE to take personal responsibility for your actions and admit you were wrong.

Had I been hired to consult with Paula at the beginning of all of this, and with my degree and background I'm definitely qualified to do PR, I would have suggested the following...

1.  Take your ass to the Today show on the day you've agreed to.  Act sincere, admit you were wrong, and, for God's sake, act like you've learned that your behavior, no matter how old it might be, was WRONG.

2.  Stay the hell off the internet.  No video posts, no online chats, no Twitter, no Facebook.  Nothing.

3.  Once the Today show appearance was done, TAKE A FRIGGIN VACATION.  Get the hell out of the public eye for awhile.  You've spoken, now let your words stand for you.  Let those who would persecute you try to undo them.  (Which they couldn't, since she'd have been honest and sincere in the first place)

Does that format sound familiar?  It should, since just about every politician who gets caught dipping his pen in the company ink uses it, or a variation of it, to try to regain the public trust.  And it obviously works, since we rarely kick any of them out of office, even when they've lied and told us "I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman."

Listen, I know that there will be people who would support Paula even if they'd heard she blew up a busload of nuns.  That's your perrogative.  I'm just asking, as I do, that you consider the possibility that she might have been wrong, so there MIGHT JUST BE A REASON all the multi-billion-dollar corporations are dropping her.

Oh, and for the folks who are pissed that black people can call white people stuff like "honky" and "cracker" and get away with it??????

What they're doing is racism, too.  Believe me, if it came out tomorrow that the Neely's (watch Food Network if you don't know who they are) said something about dressing a bunch of crackers up in cute little costumes for a banquet, the media would be raising Hell with them, too.

Unfortunately, racism still exists in all of its forms in this country.  Until we all realize that there's only one planet for ALL of us to equally share, it's a problem we'll have to wrestle with.  And that means that our public figures and celebrities, whether they want to or not, will continue to be held to a higher standard.

The Fat Man has spoken.

Now.....get the hell off the internet and go enjoy your Fourth of July.

Happy Fourth of July

Has it been a month since my last post already?  Holy crap!  Guess I need to get off my (none-too-small) ass and  get back to blogging.....

Happy 4th from the Fat Guy, and here's a few tips for the big day....

1.  Remember kids:  The fuse points TOWARDS you.  You want to make sure the blowing-up-end faces the other way.  Just saying....

2.  Also, if you're going to walk around with firecrackers in your back pocket, don't swing your arms with a lit punk.

3.  On this day, anyway, the ladies are right:  BIGGER IS BETTER.  At least where it comes to fireworks, anyway.

4.  Your dog (or cat, or whatever the hell you've got as a family pet) is NOT a fireworks target.  Don't make me come head slap you.

5.  On that note, please keep a close eye on the pets today.  Don't know about yours, but mine lose their shit  (literally and figuratively) when they hear the booms.

Last, but certainly not least.....

6.  Make sure you understand WHY we've got this holiday.  It's because brave men and women have the stones to go out there and stand up to the bad things in the world to make sure we've got the right to get drunk as hell, burn the bbq, and blow shit up.

God Bless America.

Fat Guy Went Walking In Memphis....

Yeah, okay, I promised I'd check in at least once while I was on vacation and didn't.  So, sue me.  I decided to actually ENJOY my vacation instead of documenting every little detail of it while I was there.  Never mind the fact that I checked in on Facebook from pretty much every location I was at.

Anyway, I'm back, and I wanted to reflect on the beautiful city that is Memphis, Tennessee.

First stop we made was at the Memphis Zoo.  While I'm in agreement that the animals seem to be much closer to the visitor than at the St. Louis Zoo, I also have to say that's the only thing I liked about the Memphis Zoo more than our own.  Well, that and the lack of hills to walk up and down.  Otherwise, the St. Louis Zoo kicks the Memphis Zoo's ass.  After all, I was down $30 before I'd even SEEN an animal, since the Memphis Zoo charges $15 a head for adults to get in.  In the 'Lou, that cash could have been spent on a few sodas, some water, and some snacks in order to keep the engine on the Fat Guy running.  I'm just sayin........

Went to Graceland the next day.  I can now say I've been there, though I have no desire to go back.  It was cool to see the house that Elvis built, but I'm not the type of Elvis fan that needs to make that trip more than once.  The car collection was also cool, as was the Lisa Marie (the plane, not his daughter, you perv), but, again, these are things I could have read about online, so to have seen them once in person is as many times as I need to in my life.

The trip to Sun Studios, on the other hand?  I could do that again in a heartbeat.  It was something for someone who spent time in the music business to stand in the exact recording studio that the greats of early rock and roll did:  Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins, Johnny Cash, Roy Orbison.  This was also the same studio that blues greats such as BB King recorded in.  I'm telling you, the history that oozes from the place is HUGE for such a small place.  Should you ever be in Memphis and only have time for ONE tour, do this one.

Should you only have time for TWO tours, however, the National Civil Rights Museum should be the other one.  Located at the Lorraine Hotel in Memphis, which is where Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr was assassinated in 1968, the entire place just has that "hallowed ground" feel to it.  We had the opportunity to stand on the very spot Dr. King stood on when he was killed, and that felt very weird to me.  By the way, if you want to be able to stand in that spot, you need to hurry, since they're doing a renovation of the area that will eliminate that option in early 2014.

While I'm on the subject of the Lorraine, there was someone outside the property protesting that we were entering "The $27 Million Memorial to James Earl Ray".  While I didn't get the chance to ask what the hell this numbskull was protesting for, I still felt the need to mention it here.  I totally disagree with their premise, however, as the point of the museum is to discuss the history of Civil Rights and to discuss in detail Dr. King's assassination, which only makes sense since this was the place where he was killed.  You can even stand in the place James Earl Ray was presumed to have been standing in when he fired the fatal shot, to see the perspective.  And, yes, I do understand that Ray probably didn't kill Dr. King.  That, to me, wasn't the point.  We were standing in history, and that was all that mattered to me at the time.

We also made it to the Peabody Hotel to see the ducks.  You've probably seen them on tv or read about them, and we were there to see them escorted from their fountain to the elevator for their trip to their "accomodations" on the roof.  It was nice, but, as with other things, it's something I don't have to see again.

Also saw the Pink Palace, which was originally conceived as a mansion for the person who opened the Piggly Wiggly chain of grocery stores.  Now, it's their museum, planetarium, and IMAX theatre.  Cool, but I could get the other two here in St. Louis.  The exhibits, however, were pretty neat.

Of course, a trip to Memphis wouldn't be complete without barbeque, and we hit up two Memphis standards while we were there:  Corky's and Rendezvous.  My personal opinion?  We should have gone to Rendezvous first, because after having Corky's, nothing else compares.  'Nuff said.

So, that's my Memphis experience in a nutshell.  I enjoyed the time with my wife and my friends, and I'll probably be referring to it more in the coming days and weeks.

This Is What I Do When I Can't Sleep....

So, here I am at nearly 3am, knowing I'm leaving to start vacation in less than 12 hours....

And I can't sleep.

Nice.

Hey, I know things could always be worse.  But, since I have a blog to bitch about the little things that bother me, I'm choosing to whine about not being able to sleep.

So there.  *sticks tongue out at monitor*  *realizes he just stuck tongue out at inanimate object.  feels shame*

So, since I seem to have a few extra minutes to BE AWAKE, let's fill them with something productive (yeah...like anything I say is fucking productive).....

An impromptu "random thoughts" blogging!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Tell me again why the hell it's so damn great to be a Cubs fan?  Last time I checked, my Cardinals have the number one record in MLB.

-Score another one for the communist state of Illinoistan:  Legislation legalizing concealed weapons?  Pass.  No problem.  Legislation legalizing same-sex marriage?  We need to "think about it" for a while longer.  Fuck.  Time to move my fat ass back across the river.  Pronto.

-By the way, I'm all FOR legally carrying a concealed weapon.  I just find it interesting that the state has no problem with giving anyone who can pass the class, background check, and pay the fee a permit to conceal a gun on their person, while two people who love each other, want to get married, and happen to be the same gender can't do it in this state.  There's a reason I still call Missouri my HOME state......

-On a very serious note:  To all our friends in Oklahoma who've been through two rounds of the absolute WORST Mother Nature can throw at you, all my thoughts and prayers are with you.  But, I know y'all are the toughest S.O.B's I've ever met, so you'll pull through, as you usually do.

-Have you watched infomercials recently?  Holy Shit!!!!  Some of this stuff looks really cool, but some of it makes me understand why infomercials are the hot scam of this century.  At least the Ginzu knives we saw when we were kids ACTUALLY worked.  Then again, we also saw the Ronco commercials for the spray-on hair, so maybe the scam just got a bit more sophisticated.

Okay.  Enough randomness.  Next time I check in, I SHOULD be in the beautiful city of Memphis.

Some Gave All.....

It's Memorial Day, and for a whole lot of you, that really just means a 3-day weekend from your job.  Or, it means that the public pools have opened, so you can go get all wrinkly.  Or, it means you headed off somewhere to get a few days worth of camping in, since this is probably the last decent weekend we'll have for the summer.

While all of those things are technically true, there are far too many people who forget or just plain don't understand what Memorial Day really means.

Folks, this is the day we give thanks to the men and women who paid the ultimate price so we can continue to live in the greatest country on earth.

Forget about politics for a minute, and forget about your opinion of war, because I REALLY get pissed off when people can't get over themselves long enough to just pay homage to those who deserve it.  As a matter of fact, I just read comments from people sniping at President Obama for his comments made to celebrate fallen soldiers today.  Really?  You're gonna get political today?  Two words for you:  SHUT UP!!!!!

Now, I'm on record as having TONS of respect for those who've decided to dedicate their lives and careers to protecting my fat ass, but I think we also need to make sure we remember those who gave their lives for that same thing. 

Want to know how you can do it?

If you've got a fallen soldier in your family, go to the cemetery today and visit the grave.  Clean it off, plant a small flag, and tell your kids (or spouse, if they don't know) stories about that individual.  Don't have a fallen hero in your family?  Go to the cemetery anyway.  Find a grave (or two) with flags planted in them, and check the dates.  When you go back home, look up the date of death and see what war that soldier was involved in, and see what their sacrifice was really all about.

Now, the amount of time you spend at the cemetery is entirely up to you.  For some, I know being there gives them the willies.  For others, however, it provides peace and solace. Whatever works for you.

One more thing you MUST do today:  Make sure your kids understand what Memorial Day is TRULY all about, and make sure they understand WHY they need to take some time on this day every year.

And, when you run into an active-duty military person or a retired soldier later on in the day, make sure to thank them.  If it wasn't for them, God only knows what foreign language we'd be speaking right now.

Building A Deck, OR, How To Make A Fat Guy Sweat In Four Easy Steps....

Sooooo.......I'm REALLY sore right now.

Yeah, I know I had enough energy to write a blog post before this one.  So what?  My hands can still hurt.  So can my back, hips, knees, ankles.

Shit.  Just occurred to me I might be getting old.

Why, you ask, is the Fat Guy in more pain than if he'd run a fucking marathon?  Because, dear reader, the Fat Guy's a fucking idiot.

Don't tell me.  You just got done thinking or saying "No shit, Sherlock." 

Yup.  I deserved it.  Left way too big a hole.

I've mentioned several times over the past few posts that I was going to build a new deck on the back of my house, and this weekend is/was the choice weekend.  On Saturday, I had my brother in law and my two best friends over to help out.  We were like the fucking Postal Service:  working through all kinds of weather, and still managing to get the package soaked.  (Just kidding.  I don't need my mail any more fucked up than it already is, thank you.)  Between the four of us, we managed to get the deck completely framed.  Had to stop because we ran out of sunlight (which means it was around 8pm).

Of course, since I (or my wife...mostly my wife) was having to put leashes on our dogs to take them out the front door to do their business, going without some sort of backyard steps from the house just wasn't going to do.

My brother in law and I worked today.  The original plan was to work "until it starts to rain", which was supposed to be around 1pm.  Guess what happened?  You got it.  No fucking rain.

About 3pm, sore, sweaty, and sunburned, we stopped.  However, we got the decking in place and steps built, which means I can waddle my sore ass to the back door and let the dogs out.

Nice.

Figured out pretty quick that deck building is a younger man's game, and you young pups out there can keep building on.

Us "old dogs" will just take a bit longer and build one that kicks your's ass.

Hell.  Yeah.

Sometimes Life Just Sucks......

So, I read two Facebook posts today from two different friends covering two completely different types of loss.  As I sat staring at them, since one of them, which involved the death of a high school classmate the same age as me, I was trying to come up with the right words to say.  Needless to say, there aren't any "right" words.  Instead, I decided to talk about life, loss, and how things just tend to suck sometimes.

No apologies offered for this one being a downer, but I WILL admit up front to NOT naming specific names out of respect for all involved.  My blog, my rules, my prerogative.  Besides, if you follow me on Facebook, you probably already know about the two incidents I'm referring to.

Nothing on planet Earth prepares us for losing a loved one, and the bitch of it all is that we know, as children, that one of our jobs, eventually, will be to say goodbye to our parents.  For some of us, it comes early in life, and very unexpectedly.  For others, it comes after a very long, well-lived life.  In my case, with my dad six and a half years ago, it was a bit in the middle:  entirely too early, at 54, but not unexpected, as he'd been undergoing cancer treatments for 6 months.  No matter how long you have to plan, it's never easy, and I have to admit that after all this time, there still isn't a day that goes by that I don't talk about him or think about him. In fact, my friends and I were talking about him on Saturday as we were building my new deck.  Mostly, we were talking about how I was "doing Dad proud" by building a monstrosity of a deck, which was JUST the way he liked to do it.

Of course, there's times I wish he was around to talk to, especially when I need advice on things.  Regardless of how much I might bitch, whine, and moan about my relationship with him, I could always depend on him to give me reliable advice, and there are times that I dearly miss it.  It was really hard that first year, since I wouldn't take his phone number out of my cell phone, and I couldn't think about him without breaking down completely.  I couldn't figure out how the hell I was going to get through.

Here's the thing:  I got through.  What I figured out was that ALL of those feelings are completely normal.  Hell, if you DON'T go through it, there's something wrong with you.  Grief is a natural part of the cycle, and you NEED to go through it.  I always want to nut punch the guys who come out and say "I have to be strong for the family."  Bullshit.  That line was thought up by a man (naturally) who wanted an excuse to not share his feelings.  It's 2013, which means it's time to get with letting your emotions out.  It's healthier than bottling it all up, and, in my opinion, an easier way to get along with your life, since you're facing the things that upset you the most.

I work in a field where we deal with death more than in other fields (short working in a nursing home, hospital, or hospice care), and I've found one of my consumers (that's what we call them) dead in their apartment (about 2 years ago), while my wife's found two (in the past 12 months).  These situations are a bit different, as our relationships with those who passed was not so much personal as professional.  But, then again, it's not all that much different than having a co-worker pass away.  For me, the same rules as above apply:  be open, be honest, and let the emotions out.

And, mind you, this is regardless of how the person passed:  overdose, suicide, medical misadventure, etc.  Regardless of how you might feel about any of those things personally, you still need to grieve in your own way, in your own time.  Don't EVER let anyone tell you how you SHOULD be feeling.  Screw them.  Feel however the hell you WANT or NEED to feel.

Okay, so let me move from one of the deepest levels of loss to one that, while not quite as deep, can still have a lasting impact.  Another friend of mine discussed the foreign exchange student that had been staying in her home for the past year returning to her home country, and how sad that made her.

Let me begin with a side note:  I've decided I have GOT to get my friend to let me write up her story.  In my honest opinion, I believe it would be one helluva piece of inspirational reading, since she went through more before she got into high school than most people go through in a lifetime.  Just saying.

Okay, back to the point....

This type of loss is a bit closer to the types of loss that more of us feel more often:  the loss of that person (or thing) that has only been a part of your life for a short period of time, but has made enough of an impact on you that you can't remember what your life was like before them.

I use myself (again) as an example.  Many of my friends are aware that my wife and I were blessed to have a foster baby placed with us almost one year ago.  She was two days old, and from all the information we'd been given, this was going to be a "permanent placement" with the potential, eventually, for adoption.  When you've been trying forever to have a child of your own and a beautiful, healthy baby girl is dropped in your lap with that kind of news, you're over the moon.  For 10 weeks, we went through what every pair of new parents go through, and that's EVERY high and low.  At the ten week mark, however, a judge with no clue as to what was going on decided that it would be better to move this little girl to another county.  We, of course, had no choice and no recourse, and while there's a whole helluva lot more to the story, I'm not going to go there for now because it doesn't impact the point I'm making.

Jen and I had to grieve the loss.  We did, in our own way.  We wouldn't do any of her (the baby's) sheets or blankets laundry for awhile, because we wanted to be able to smell her scent.  The only concession we made to her being gone was to remove the baby monitor from our bedroom, since it was a very painful reminder of our loss.  Neither of us would go into the baby's room for weeks, because we wanted to avoid the reminder.

Eventually, we realized we needed to find a way past and through, and we did the laundry and began using the room again.  I'm not saying that's what my friend needs to do, but I would recommend to anyone else who's looking for advice that you SHOULD go at whatever pace feels right to you.  Now, if you wind up wearing tin foil on your head, we need to talk, but otherwise, have at it.

I said upfront that I'd been looking for the right words to say in both of these situations.  Truth is, this is the best I can do......

Sometimes, life just sucks.

You Taking A Vacation, or What?

No, I'm NOT on vacation.  That's in two weeks, and I intend to blog whilst I'm there.

My reasons for not posting since Sunday are thus:

1.  I'm still getting used to the jacked up schedule I'm working (for a few more days only, then it's permanent overnights).

2.  I've been trying to get things done around the house so my friends and I can FINALLY build that deck I've been promising my wife for well over a year.

3.  And, just as important, I'm on a helluva roll writing my book.

I've been following a number of blogs for quite some time.  One of my favs is wilwheaton.net, which is, as you no doubt figured out, the blog of one Wil Wheaton.  I always wondered how he gets so damn busy that he can't post updates, but with the amount of busy I've had the past few days, I now get it, so, sorry Wil for thinking you're a dick for not posting.

See, the thing is, I've had this story in my head for the better part of twenty years, and I've just started writing it in novel form over the past ten or so.  The story has gone through a thousand different changes, but over the past six months, things have been steady.  I'll write hard-core for a couple of weeks, take time off, then write again.  For the past month or so, however, I've been writing about a thousand words a day, which in writing terms isn't a heavy load, but it's a helluva lot more progress than I've made at ANY point in the history of this story idea.

Now, when I started the blog, I promised occasional works of fiction from myself and some of my writer friends, and I intend to keep that promise.  My book, however, will most likely NOT be one of those, as my ultimate goal is to get it published.

That doesn't mean I might not publish a "teaser" for it at some point to gauge your interest.

I've got another busy day ahead, but I'll post again soon.

Live long, and prosper.

OR

Keep Calm and CHIVE On.

Put Away Your Tin Foil Hat....

Okay....I've sat here long enough listening to the howls of folks who are, in the words of a very good friend of mine, "sitting around the house in a fucking tin foil hat".  Time to set some shit straight.

I don't plan to get political in this blog very often.  Simply put, I know you've got your opinions, and regardless of what I say, you're probably still going to feel the way you do at the end of the day.  In this case, however, I feel the need to point out some shit I think you're missing.

Let's start by getting one very basic point straight:

Blaming the President for every single fucking thing wrong with this country is like blaming the A-B Clydesdales for the fact that you drink too much beer.

Last time I checked, this country's laws aren't made by the fellow living in the White House.  They're made by the 400+ tools...I mean ELECTED OFFICIALS working out of the Capital building.  They're the ones who present the legislation, debate on it, accept the bribes to drop certain things or add others, then vote on the whole fucking shooting match.

Sure, the President has the right to veto everything, but understand that he does NOT have a line-item veto.  That little benefit was rejected by the Supreme Court during the Clinton administration as being unConstitutional.

So, that means that if the President REALLY wants/needs to pass that emergency spending bill, he's stuck approving all the other bullshit that's been attached to it.  And Congress knows it.  That's why you get all the pork-nonsense on those really important bills.

And, when the President reaches down, finds a pair, and vetoes it?  It's never mentioned that he turned it down because of all the other shit attached to it.  Instead, we hear about what an asshole he is for rejecting a very much needed spending bill.

Talk about being damned either way.

Let's move on to foreign policy and understand another fact:

Most of the foreign policy being utilized currently isn't new.  It wasn't designed by the Obama administration, and, in most cases, wasn't even designed by the administration of W.

In a lot of cases, our country is following plans of diplomacy that are 20 years old, at least.  That goes back to the Clinton administration, and in some cases, back to H.W. Bush and Reagan.

Hell, the policies regarding sending supplies to foreign nations that need it goes back at least as far as the Truman administration, when supplies were airlifted to West Berlin after World War 2 (see The Marshall Plan).  You could go back even farther and list all of the times during the FDR administration when we sent bukoo supplies to our Allies to help them while the Nazis were plowing their way across Europe.

Sure, it'd be easy to say we did that because of war, but at its core, it's the same basic policy we use today, 70 years later.

Oh, yeah, and you folks getting pissy with Obama about the IRS thing?  I'd like to point out that the head of the IRS responsible for all of this shit isn't an Obama appointee.  The Republican's pal W put him on his post, so put the blame for that shit where it belongs.

Besides, whose best interest did the whole IRS targeting Tea Baggers...I mean TEA PARTY MEMBERS serve?  It wasn't the Democrats.  They were doing just fine with the Tea Party splitting the Republican party like an old log for the fireplace.

That would mean, logically, that the REPUBLICANS would be the one's to benefit if the Tea Party was discredited.  Hmmmmm.....didn't hear CNN, CNBC, or Fox News throw that opinion out there.  Wonder why?

I've said it before and I'll say it again:  If you have a problem with the way our government operates, get out there and VOTE!!!!!  Beyond that, get out there and GET KNOWLEDGE.  Don't just watch the talking heads on the propaganda stations spew their venom.  Read the stuff written by foreign writers.  Read stuff written by people on both sides of the issue.  Figure out for yourself what's what.  DON'T just accept what you're told at face value, and DON'T be afraid to speak with the one weapon you have in the fight:  your right to vote the lying fuckers out of office.

It beats the hell out of putting on the tin foil hat, and looks a whole lot smarter in the long run.

Oh....one more thing.

To those who think Obama needs to be impeached:

You are so tremendously full of SHIT that your opinion is worthless.

If Democrats couldn't/wouldn't impeach W, and the Republicans couldn't successfully impeach Clinton (and I think we can all point to things they both did that are FAR worse than anything Obama's done), then Obama should be left the hell alone.

Impeachment was intended for the slime-balls of all slime-balls.  Nixon would have been impeached, and frankly would have deserved it.  He broke the law by intentionally interfering with a government investigation, among a laundry list of other things.  Whether or not Clinton deserved it or not is open to debate.  Yeah, he had sex with an intern and lied about it, but does that hold to the same level as Watergate?  And W?  If you try to sit there and tell me that lying to Congress and the nation about the reasons for the second Gulf War wouldn't have been enough to at least CONSIDER impeachment, you seriously need to read your Constitution.  Of course, he wasn't, so it's a moot point.

Get off the impeachment bullshit and focus on the important things:  we've got an economy that's still in the shitter and an unemployment issue that needs fixing.  Social Security will run out before many of our parents can draw it, and the system's broken.  We can't feed many of our own citizens, and our infrastructure's broken as well.

Let's get off the petty, childish, playground bullshit fights, find a way to pull together, and do what we all claim we want to do:  set this country on a path to once again being the BEST in the world.

I'm the Fat Man, and I approved this message.

What the Hell is Wrong With Some People?

Took a few days off to attend my sister's graduation, my niece's high school graduation, and to get in on my game night.  Hey...I'm a big, fucking softie and a game playing geek.  Get over it or fuck off, your choice.

After attending two graduations in three days, I've come to a certain realization:  The reason so many of today's kids are so fucked up is because their parents are as fucked up as they are.  You think I'm kidding?  Alrighty, then......read on:

Let's start with etiquette and protocol.  To me, etiquette dictates that if you need to get closer to where the graduates are in order to take a picture, you do so as unobtrusively as possible, and, if you do wind up getting in someone's way, you apologize and get the hell out of the way as quickly as possible.  Kudos to those who remembered protocols and said "Excuse me", "Pardon me", "Thanks", and "Sorry" as they quickly got as close as they could to take their picture, which I can TOTALLY understand wanting to do, and got back out of the way just as quickly.

What's the opposite of that?  How 'bout the chick who chose to stand in front of my brother-in-law for the better part of a half hour on Saturday, and only sat down when a Granite City police officer MADE her do it.  Believe me, to hear my mother-in-law shout back and forth with that group in front of us was a shocker, as she's usually the one asking me to restrain myself.  Of course, they had the excuse that "we're just showing respect for the graduates as they come in".

Maybe, but that only explains about 10 minutes of her standing there.  What about the previous half hour?  Oh, yeah, and AFTER the little exchange?  Let's get clear about something:  you have a problem with me or any other member of my family, at least have the decency to turn around and tell us how you feel.  Don't sit there, facing away from us, and throw your bitchy little comments to the family members on either side of you, just loud enough so we can hear them.  Put your big girl pants on, turn around and face us, and give me the opportunity to hold up a couple of fingers so I can show you my age and/or opinion of you.  Just saying.

Here's another one, and I'm gonna tread in a politically incorrect area on this one:  I HATE it when black people show their ass in public, then try to rationalize it by telling me "It's a black thing.  You don't get it."  Bull.  Shit.  It's not a black thing, because I know a whole lot of black people who have good manners and understand proper social protocols and DON'T act like morons in public.

Do me a favor:  don't drop the race card to justify acting like a complete tool.  Again, grow up and take some fucking responsibility, and just admit you didn't bother to listen when your mother tried to teach you how to act around other people.

And that goes for you white folks who act like shitheads in public, then try to justify it by saying shit like "Lighten up" or "You just don't get it".  Again:  BULLSHIT.

I DO get it.  YOU are the one who doesn't.  You're acting like a fucking idiot in public, and don't want to admit you are.  How 'bout you own up to it, then shut your cake hole?

Oh, and to the woman who decided to be passive aggressive and yell in my ear AGAIN in a tone and volume that rattled my eardrum after I tried to POLITELY explain you'd hurt my ears?

FUCK YOU, BITCH!!!!!!

I was very polite in pointing out that I understood your excitement at seeing your child graduate.  I even pointed out, firmly but politely, that you'd hurt my ears.  Hell, your friend or family member or whoever she was even shot you a look that said "you might have gone a bit too far".  However, when I turned back around and sat down, you just HAD to do it again.

Yeah....you're a bitch.  Hope your kid has better manners.

My God, it was a wake-up call for me.  I mean, I just blogged an entry earlier this week about how so many of today's kids don't have any manners, and it wasn't even clicking with me at the time that the reason so many of them are that way is because so many of their parents are idiots.

Now, like I've said before, if you're one of those who "gets it":  THANK YOU.

If you're not?  Stay the hell away from me, especially when I'm hot, sweaty, and sunburned.  You might just find out a whole hell of a lot more about yourself than you thought you were going to when the day began.

Hey......when you break protocols on me, I WILL fire back.  Especially when my wife has given me the okay to do it.

Living In An Unequal World

Yup.  Here's another blog pretty much guaranteed to piss off somebody.  If it does?  That's your fucking problem, not mine.

For all the rights we claim to have as Americans, we willingly support policies that make this one of the most unequal countries in the free world.

Think I'm kidding?

Ask someone who's GLBT how equal our country is.  Ask someone of color how equal our country is.  Hell, ask a naturalized US citizen how equal our country can be.

Frankly, we've managed to bullshit ourselves into believing this country is so fucking equal that we're better than everybody else.

Now, before you come after me like the villagers after Boris Karloff, I do believe that, in a great number of ways, this is the best country in the world to live in.  After all, there are countries out there where I'd be killed merely for posting the comments I have been on this little blog thing of mine.  So, don't think I hate my country and want to leave it, because I love living here.

But, I'm disappointed that my country has left so many behind.  This country was founded on the idea that ANYBODY could get ahead or rise to the top. The reality is not quite as rosey.

Before I continue, let me lay a little knowledge on you:  it's called "white priviledge", and it's the unwritten policy of this country that basically follows that whites, specifically white males, have more rights and priviledges than anyone else.  Ask someone of color if I'm bullshitting right now.  I'll wait......

See?  I wasn't lying. 

Let's be honest with ourselves.  This country was founded on a contradiction.  Our country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.  Let me say that again, just in case it didn't hit you.  People who OWNED other people fought a war to be FREE from another nation, then had the balls to write about how "all men are created equal."  Nice start.

But, if we're really being honest with ourselves, the "freedom" that our Founding Fathers were talking about really only applied to older, rich, white men.  Poor men, regardless of color, didn't have any rights under their idea of government.  That's why the Electoral College was created in the first place:  these old, white men so feared that the, in their words, "ignorant, poor men" would so FUCK UP their little game, they decided to put the actual election of a president into the hands of what were intended to be other rich, old, white men.

See a pattern here?

And, let's not even talk about the role of women.  You ever get curious where the concept that "a woman's place is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen" came from?  See the above mentioned old, white, male assholes.  Just saying.

So, with a beginning like that, we really shouldn't be surprised that our country continues to give those who aren't old, white, and male the big shaft.

But we shouldn't stand idly by while they do it.

Think about the absolute balls it took to be a part of the Civil Rights Movement.  To be black and living in the hate-filled areas of the south at that time, knowing there were racist assholes out there who'd hang a black man just for talking to them, and deciding you'd had just about enough of the bullshit of inequity, so you'd stand up for your rights.

Look at news footage from the time.  It's all over the web.  Cops beat the absolute shit out of black men, women, and children, set dogs loose on them to chew them up, had the fire department blow the hell out of them with fire hoses on full blast, then would lynch, shoot, or otherwise mutilate and kill them.

That's a hell of a lot to risk for your rights.  But, these folks did it.  And what did they get for their troubles?  Sure, things got somewhat better, but in the overall scheme of things it took another 40 years for a man of color to be elected President, and even HE can't seem to catch a break.  We still see a disturbing lack of progress of people of ANY color throughout our government, federal, state, AND local.

Same thing for women.  At least for them, the 1980's provided a certain level of glass-ceiling-shattering, providing for more opportunities in the workplace.  However, I think you can still ask a lot of women whether or not they feel equal, and they'll probably tell you they don't.

Then, there's our friends in the GLBT community.  Talk about not being able to catch a break. 

Look, I'm as hetero as it gets.  But, I'm not so archaic in my thought that the concept of a man and a man having a loving relationship is wrong.  I say, whatever. 

The problem over time has been in the way homosexuality has been viewed.  Go back and read articles from the early and mid 20th century.  You'll see homosexuality referred to as "perversion", and homosexuality referred to as a "choice".

Let's grow up and be honest with ourselves, people.  Homosexuality is NOT a choice.  I believe in my heart of hearts that you're born with sexual orientation.  From the day you're born, you're headed down the path you will lead for your life in this area.  The difference is that the social pressures placed on people force them to hide their orientation because of the prejudices that exist in our world.

And, how fucking SAD is that?

Here's the thing:  What two consenting adults do is their fucking business.  Not mine.  And, for those who would point to the Bible and call homosexuality a sin, I would remind you that white men for hundreds of years pointed to the Bible and swore beyond a shadow of a doubt that it said slavery was not only okay, but mandated by God.  Sorry, not buying the religious argument.

And, besides, so many of you follow certain tenants of your religion but not all of them, so why, as an intelligent human being, would you choose willingly to believe something that you know in your heart and mind is morally wrong?  You KNOW that discrimination is wrong.  Don't hate because of your religion.  Hell, DON'T HATE.

The fact that some states are passing laws allowing for gay marriage is a positive step.  However, the federal government needs to step up and allow for full protections of these marriages.  And that includes property and insurance rights, among other things.

While we're at it, let's elect a woman President next go around.  Men have had 200 years of fucking up and disrespecting the post.  Let's let the ladies have a go at it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, let's be in fact what we claim to be in writing:  a land where EVERYONE is equal, with equal rights and supports under the law.

I'll vote for that.

This Is 40?

With all due respect to Judd Apatow, I'm co-opting his movie title for my blog title this go around.

Yeah, okay, today is my 40th birthday.  In all honesty, I don't feel any different than I did yesterday at 39.  Hell, I've been claiming to be 40 since January, since it was just easier to do it.  (Sounds like a little kid again, when you'd claim to be the next year older about a week after the previous birthday.)

But, since I've made it to this point, maybe it's a good time to examine what I've learned (this should be interesting...for me, anyway).....

1.  Guys:  Never piss into a head wind.  Doesn't end well.

2.  Girls:  Same thing.  Just saying.

3.  Just because the buffet says "All You Can Eat", it doesn't mean you have to eat like a felon on death row having his last supper.  But doing so certainly means you got your money's worth.

4.  If you're out drinking with your friends and one of them offers you a squeegee, you say NO. 

5.  Same with a mind eraser.  Long Island Ice Tea.  Hell, ANYTHING I'm mixing.

6.  Never shit where you eat.  Animals have figured it out, why can't humans?

7.  Don't believe anything politicians tell you.  Remember, the only thing about them that differs them from con men is the fact that we bought their bullshit once and elected them.  Just saying.

8.  For that matter, don't take ANYTHING you're told at face value.  Be a person of intelligence and fucking READ!  Check the internet, read a book, talk to others....UNDERSTAND the argument before you follow along like the good little lemming you want to be.

9.  Guys:  Just because it looked cool on a porno doesn't mean your wife/girlfriend will want to try it.  You should know better.

10.  Girls:  Just because it looked sexy on the soap opera our sounded cool in the romance novel doesn't mean we can pull it off when we're together.  You're smarter than us.  You SHOULD know better.

11.  Free speech doesn't exempt you from an ass kicking when you piss off the wrong person.

12.  Thousands of good men and women have died throughout our country's history so you can HAVE that right to free speech.  Show the military a little fucking respect.  You don't agree with our nation's military policy?  It's not the fault of the military men and women.  They follow orders because they HAVE to, whether they like or agree with them or not.  Vote out the fuckers that MAKE the policy.

13.  As you get older, birthdays are more like assholes.  Everybody's got one, and yours doesn't stink nearly as bad as others do.  Just saying.

14.  Utilize your spell check.  It can be the difference between telling people you pulled your groin and you're pulling your groin.  Big difference.

15.  Show a little respect to our friends in the GLBT community.  It cannot be easy to live in a country that talks about freedom, yet piles so much shit on a group of people that only wish to have the same rights as everybody else.  (I've got another whole blog coming on this one later, so I'll just leave my comments at this for now.)

16.  Hug your kids tonight.  Believe me, I wish I could.  :-(


That's not all I've learned in 40 years, but it's enough for now.  Besides, if I put it all out there, what the hell am I gonna write about?

See you in the blogisphere!

The Fat Man