So, I know over the past nine weeks or so, I've been virtually absent from this here little blog. The reason for that is for eight of those nine weeks, my wife and I were blessed to be the foster parents of a beautiful little newborn baby girl. A week ago today, she was placed with her biological father, and we've both spent the last seven days trying to cope with emotions we thought we'd buried a year ago, when something very similar had happened.
Before I continue, a little bit of history is necessary for those not in the know:
One year ago, my wife and I became foster parents to a newborn baby girl, who was only two days old at the time. Our case manager at the time told us then that the placement would "definitely be long term", adding that "you'll probably wind up getting to try for custody of her." We were, as you'd expect, over the moon with happiness. So, over the next nine weeks, we cared for that little girl as if she were our own, because, even though one should always remember that the ultimate goal of the foster care system is to place children back with their biological parents, we'd been basically assured we'd be keeping her. Needless to say, it didn't work out that way. I won't get into all the details here, but I WILL say that the circumstances behind her departure, while legal, weren't exactly above board, and they definitely changed my opinion of judges and lawyers forever.
That loss was a near-devastating one, especially for my wife. It took a long time to get over losing her, and we'd begun to act as if we'd never get another child. So, needless to say, one year to the day later, when we got the call for another two day old baby, we were excited, but very cautious. Our new case manager, to her credit, made it very clear from day 1 that there was a DNA test coming up with someone claiming to be the biological father, and if it proved a match, she'd be going to him.
Long story short, it was, and she did. While I'm sad to see her go, I have to admit that this situation wasn't nearly as devastating for me as the previous one. Why? Two main reasons:
1. Our case manager was very up-front with us. She didn't try to lead us down the primrose path. She laid out the situation for us with as much detail as she could legally provide us, and tried her best to keep us in the loop throughout the process.
2. How can I be mad at a young man (the biological father is in his twenties) who voluntarily chooses to step forward and WANT to be a father to his child? I'm the one who usually bitches that there are far too many "baby daddies" and not enough fathers out there, so I have to give props to a guy who's doing the right thing.
Don't get me wrong: it sucks that she had to leave. I spent eight weeks getting very attached to her, and a part of me is empty because of her departure. However, I can also say, without being full of shit, that I'm better for the time I had with her.
I've also been trying to make things easier on my wife, who as I said before took it harder than she thought she would. In three days, I managed to cross off four items on my massive "honey-do" list, as well as convert the nursery into a very nice study area for her, since she needs to study on Sundays and I like watching a lot of football.
So, that's where I've been, and why I haven't checked in as much as I swore I would. My intentions are to be back posting at least once a week from this point forward, though I'll admit that if/when we get another foster child, you won't see a whole hell of a lot of me.
Before then, though, I do have a piece of fiction I've been working on that should get posted in the next week or so. I've got a chapter of it finished, and I thought I'd post it here to get everyone's thoughts on whether or not it would make a decent book or not. No, it's NOT the book I've spent nearly twenty years working on, and is currently in the editing stages. You'll have to wait for it to be formally published if you want to read it. This new idea is one that came to me over the past two weeks, and I've been fleshing it out as time has permitted.
One more thing....
I didn't write this post in an attempt to fish for sympathy. I've heard all the sympathetic comments I can take, and while I understand they come from the heart, most of them actually hurt to hear. I wrote this post as both an explanation of where I've been AND as therapy for myself, as I've found writing to be a great outlet for my emotions, regardless of their source.
What I DO hope is that you find my words at least somewhat interesting to read, and that they make you want to read more of my ramblings in the future.
Thanks to all of you who follow this blog. If you like it, do me a favor and recommend it to others.
You might want to warn them, though, that MOST of my blogs contain way more expletives than this one. :-)
The Fat Guy
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